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Feb 12, 2003 Most things are obvious when you think about them. Who is the jolliest guy you can think of? Santa Claus. What does Santa Claus do? He gives. I have heard of kids writing letters to Santa asking for presents, but I've rarely heard of someone writing to Santa to say thank you. Or maybe sending him a present. People do leave out milk and cookies. But is that really a thank you? Or is that just because if everyone leaves out milk and cookies Santa will have enough energy to get to every house. Whichever way you look at it, Santa gives. That's what he does. And he is the jolliest guy I can think of. That's why when I heard a man on the television say that the secret to happiness is giving, I thought he was worth listening to. His theory, in short, goes something like this: if you have no money stop complaining that you have no money. Instead, go out and give someone money. Because to give, you first have to have and so just by doing that, you will feel that you have money. I can't say that made total sense to me. But then another man told me something else. A lot of people start off really well, start getting ahead and achieving their dreams. But then, something goes wrong. Everything seems to go downhill. I know this feeling. The reason that happens, according to my expert, is that you sabotage yourself. I know this is true, because I don't sabotage myself subconsciously, I do it right out there in the open. My expert says it is so subtle, you often can't see it. It is not subtle with me and I can see it. I say it out loud. "What is going on?" I asked my partner the other day. "What?" "Everything is just great - work and you, and everything." "Shouldn't you be happy about that?" "Probably, but I'm not. Things have been going too good. If things are going this good, they will have to come crashing down soon." "Why is that?" "They just will, things can't keep going this well." There is my sabotage. It is no secret. It isn't festering at the back of my mind. It's right out there on the surface. Usually, my next step would be to stop everything. Instead of working, I would stop and laze around in front of the television. I would watch movie after movie. I might play some computer games. I wouldn't cook for my partner, he would get cranky. And then, at the end of the week, I would complain that everything is going wrong. And the weirdest part - in some weird way, I would be happy that things were going wrong. Because sometimes having things go wrong and knowing they can get better is better than having things go great but knowing it will all end soon. But I knew I had to work this thing out. I had to work out a way to make myself let things stay good. So I sat myself down and I pondered. Why must I feel that I should fail? Do I feel that I deserve to fail? After an hour of pondering, the words of my first expert came back. If you want something, give just a bit of what you want to someone else. It hadn't made sense at the time but now it was starting to. If I want good things to happen to me, I can do good things for others. If I do good things for others, I will feel good about myself. Then I will feel like I deserve the things I want. Then I won't sabotage myself and things can keep going well. So, that is what I did. I helped some young students with their homework. I made not just a meal, but a banquet for my partner. And I sent some flowers to my friend's work. And when I did those things, I felt good about myself. And good things kept happening. And when good things kept happening, I kept on giving something back. So I learnt from experience that the secret to happiness really might be giving. If you don't feel loved, give love. Love will come back to you. If you don't feel appreciated, appreciate others. It will flow right back to you. If you don't feel happy, do something to make someone else happy. It will come right back to you. If you have doubts that this will work or you just don't feel you have the strength to do anything, just picture Santa Claus. Remember Santa Claus only gives. And wouldn't you love to be as happy as he is? Seriously, he's not in great condition. He is a little overweight. He lives in a land of ice. He is so isolated, he doesn't even have the Internet. He only has Mrs Claus, elves and reindeers to talk to. He has to wear that stupid red suit and those boots all the time. And yet he's the happiest guy on the planet. Santa Claus is definitely onto something. Email Shelley Wake: mishelh@ozemail.com.au ------------ Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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