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Feb 11, 2003 Technology is the reason we as a species are alive. Our ancient ancestors used fire and simple tools to give them the edge over nature. Without these building blocks of civilization the predators and the cold would have wiped the human race out as soon as we poked our heads out of the caves. Since that time, for better or for worse, man has learned to manipulate nature in an uncountable number of ways. We ride around in boxes of metal and explosives to get us places, thousands of volts of deadly electricity flows like water all around us when we are in our homes, and a glass bulb produces more colors than the rainbow to bring our idols right into our living room. This monumental advancement has not come without it’s cost, of course. For every life- saving defibulator there is a devastating atomic bomb. So many years after that first homo-erectus put stick against stick and created fire we still have to heed the lesson that our ancestor learned that faithful day when he or she stuck a hand in the fire, with technology comes responsibility. Yet even with thousands of years of history in man’s moral battle with technology, never before has that responsibility been so staggering. Thus I present an informative article on the creation of the perfect St. Valentines Day mix CD. Some of you may now be just about ready to put this article down, thinking “This kid must be hopped up on something to make such an utterly ridicules statement.” But guess what, I keep you reading to here didn’t I, and trust me. This is some useful information I am about to dish out. The mix CD is one of the last truly free forms of expression left in this crazy mixed up world. On this one shimmering piece of plastic the human spirit is free to roam, hemmed in only by the words of some our generations greatest writers. Ok, so its not total freedom, but a CD is at least it’s a lot more thoughtful than something bought of the adicals (articles + advertisements, for those of you not informed) in NOISE! Alright enough with the false grandeur and excessive adjectives. Let’s get down to the nitty- gritty. How do you make the perfect Valentine’s Day mix CD. First of all Valentines Day CDs come in three basic forms. First and foremost is the album for the significant other, it basically expressing purely romantic sentiment and throwing in a couple of his or her known favorite love songs. The second major category is much trickier, the “Why Won’t You Love Me” desperation disc. This painful yet revealing album would be given to the long-suffering crush or the one who got away. The final genre is perhaps one of the easiest yet most painful album to put together, ever infamous, yet never fully understood, the “It’s Valentines Day and I am Drinking Alone” CD. So as not to cause confusion that leads to potentially tragic cross ups I am going to give each category a separate paragraph and the attention it deserves. As I said before, the first and most basic recipe in the bunch is for the album for your sweetheart or as the case may be, baby’s daddy. A few steady hours of listening and reminiscing with a pen and paper by side should produce a solid raw list of tracks to chose from. If this amount of time seems like way too long to spend on a gift or is unable to produce at least twenty to thirty tracks then your relationship is not going as well as you may think it is. In fact you should be ready for the dreaded break up disc sometime in the near future. Now with all of you folks happy in love out of the way we can move on to the majority of you out there; we turn to the bleeding-heart-unrequited love tearjerker. This disc, unfortunately is also a popular popular gift for baby’s daddies. Fair warning should be given to all of those who thought that the intensive prerequisite hours involve in the first CD. A proper heart on the ground record can take years to compile and excessive drinking for a high percentage of people. But I assume if you have come this far you have more patience than most and I feel save handing you this information. The tearjerker album is one of the most interesting of any mix CD and actually contains two subsets. Foremost the lamenting lost love group. A truly great “he/she’s gone” disc is a delicate mix of nearly forgotten or obscure songs to bring an element of the good past in without over doing it and leave time to remember what went wrong. (This rule is void if you were caught cheating, in which case, one hell of an apology song better be included.) The old standbys must be tempered against new and unknown titles that suggest the promise of a future yet the misery of present. With the correct ingredients all that’s left is to cure it with the hand of wisdom. Remember a CD is never done, inside the four and a half cents of plastic is something living a breathing that never stops evolving until the moment it is released upon the recipient and it is never too late to revise. The second of the loneliness trifecta is a good deal less demanding but just as important. Without the secret admirer mix there would be no lost love. The focus, of course, is what could be. Drawing from the same inspiration as the “sweetheart” disc happy songs should dominate. A few change-up however are necessary laying bare the emptiness of life without the target girl or boy. Moderation is the key. The emphasis should be on the “sweet” in bittersweet because too much bitter could possibly lead to an uncomfortable restraining order. (Editors note: The writer and City Pulse are not responsible for any physical/emotional liabilities or damages inspired by bad mix CDs) The final and ultimately most fraught with danger of any Valentines Day mix CD is the “love sucks and I’m drinking alone” album. I have the responsibility to state that this CD is only recommended for the more emotionally secure of our readers as a bad experience with Jack Daniels and depressing music could leave lingering effects. That being said, sometime when nothing seems to be going right there can be nothing better for a lovesick vagabond than a jaded drunken night. I’m sure that most of you that have borne with this rambling article to this point know the joy of a night spent by yourself or with a devoted group of equally jaded individuals rehashing every way that another has wronged you. The perfect soundtrack to one of the sessions needs to be weighted down considerably by misery. Luckly for you misery comes in all tempos and volume levels in pop music. For the proper effect on your plastic Valentine’s Day companion every mutation should be represented while, of course, giving precedence to you personal tastes. But all misery filled songs is also a miserable album. Besides, wouldn’t a happy song thrown in the middle twist the knife so much better? And isn’t that what Valentine’s Day is all about, letting the entire love-happy world twist the knife stuck squarely in your heart? There you go folks. You have the tools. Make of them what you may, and have a great holiday. Spend it with (or pining over) someone you love; man, woman, or alcohol. Email Justin Smith: smitty417@flashmail.com ------------ Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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