|
Feb 11, 2003 Why is it harder to bridge the gap between the sexes at work than it is at home? The answer is simply this: we have age-old traditions to fall back on when in social situations. We may not agree with the traditional forms of etiquette, but we can always revert to them if all else fails. In business, we have no formal education regarding male and female roles. That's why I wrote these articles. I was determined to unravel the mysteries that make it so difficult to navigate our way through the complicated dynamics of male/female interactions in the workplace. Why call it "Boys at Work"? I chose that title because the single biggest mistake women make is assuming that they are conspired against by a bunch of mean old men who are determined to keep them down. That may exist where remnants of the "Old Boys' Network" are still in place; but in business today, most men are more than willing to help women along. However, they've been trained, as boys, in ways we were not. We need to remember that they are basically pretty comfortable with each other and themselves--until we show up. And what we say and do stuns and amazes them. We never let them forget just how different we are. The level of comfort they have, automatically, with other men, does not exist with us. And as soon as we relax into our environment and start talking about our menstrual cycles over lunch or putting on make-up at our desks, we're just widening the gap. We have to stop rubbing their faces in the things that make us seem like aliens to men and focus on what we have in common -- like our shared goals for the success of the business. Men need not, and should not, be forced to watch us groom or listen to discussions about our boyfriends. Nor should push-up bras and see through tops be the office uniform. (More on that subject later). We need to save the girly stuff for our social lives and focus on work when we're at work. Just as we expect men to save their analysis of our breasts and who they'd like to 'nail' for the locker room, we need to learn to keep our gossip out of earshot and our grooming rituals behind closed doors. Similarly, it would behoove us to learn a little something about the ways boys were trained, and what they were taught to consider important, if we want to work successfully with men. In addition, we have to gently show them how we were trained, as girls growing up; so they can learn from our positive feminine qualities instead of disparaging them. At this point you may be wondering about my credentials for writing about this subject. Well, here they are: - I've worked with men all my adult life . - I pay attention. - I get promoted ( or at least receive a hefty raise in pay) every year. - I can count on everybody I've ever worked for to provide an excellent letter of reference for me--including the men. - I made more money than most college-educated men before I got my Bachelor's Degree. The key to this series; however, the real reason I have decided to write it, is that I know far too many women who are just as capable of performing their duties as any man, but they always seem to get passed over for promotions and rarely feel secure in their positions. Why? Because they don't understand business. That's what this series of articles is about. Women who succeed do so because they learn some basic rules that men already know. Women who succeed do so not by becoming like the men they work with; rather, they do so by understanding the basic rules of business that many women ignore. This series is about taking each of these rules apart and showing you just how significant they are. It's also about showing you that you can understand and play by these rules without sacrificing your values or your pride in being a woman. This series is about identifying both the masculine and the feminine qualities that we all have within us and helping you to develop those that will serve you best. Just remember, the trick is not to be a woman acting like a man--the trick is to be a woman who understands men. Ultimately it's about balance: the balance between the desire to exercise your freedom of personal expression and the importance of well-timed, strategic conversations; the balance between the need to be right and the desire to fix the problem--regardless of who gets credit; the balance between working hard and working smart; the balance between being aggressive and being assertive; the balance between being feminine and being sexual. These are just some of the basics this series will cover. The main point, however, is that these articles will allow you to see how your current practices are working either for or against you; and if your mindset is holding you back, this will help you to rethink and move forward. How? By giving simple, concrete examples that you an apply to your own work situation. Stay tuned for the next installment: The Difference between Aggression and Assertiveness Email Laurie Fosner: laur@pacbell.net ------------ Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
|
|||||
|
|
|||||||
|
