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Feb 24, 2003 I really do take the terrorist threats seriously. But whenever anyone mentions airport security, I can't keep this picture from coming to mind. Remember Richard Reid? He's the shoe- bomb terrorist, convicted a little less than a month ago for trying to blow up an airliner by igniting explosives in his shoes. I'm glad he failed. But I just can't figure out how he botched his assignment. How hard could it be once he made it onto the plane with the explosives? News reports indicated that a stewardess on the airline was tipped off of something strange happening when she smelled sulfur. So how long was this guy taking? How did an invisible cloud of sulfur gas have time to waft down the aisle, all the way to a stewardess? And then how did she have time to do anything about it? Was this guy taking practice runs at lighting the matches? I can just see him sitting somewhere near the back -- striking match after match after match -- a pile of failed attempts stacking up at his feet. "Nope, that one didn't work. That one either. (expletive) What is wrong with this book of matches? Oh, good. There's one that worked. I better keep that one." Or maybe he got the match lit OK. But then he realized he forgot to prep his shoes -- forgot to pull the wick out for easy lighting. So he's back there holding this lit match. And out of habit he's trying really hard not to catch the seat in front of him on fire. But he's also frantically trying to get his shoes untied with his free hand. He's got this balancing act going on, as he alternately leans forward to work his shoes and then backward to avoid lighting up the seat in front of him. About then the stewardess shows up and says, "Sir, there's no smoking on the plane." And then what does he say? "Oh, I'm not going to smoke. I'm just blowing up the plane." OR "I'm sorry. I didn't know," as he panics, trying to kick one shoe off with the other. I bet whoever hired this guy didn't keep his job. I bet he was fired -- by a squad of his peers. Oh, that the world's terrorists were all this inept. Then, our best defense would be to just stand out of the way. And just let them eliminate themselves. About the author: Pepe is a writer, whose day job as a software engineer keeps him from writing as much as he wants. His work has appeared in several magazines and periodicals. His take on life sometimes gets him a little out of step with the rest of society, but he keeps marching in the parade. You can reach him at wrob@usa.com. ------------ Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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