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Mar 18, 2004 A friend and I were having a discussion about marriage today, ho hum. The truly surprising part of the discussion was that we were not talking about gay marriage at all (although I’m sure that’s up next). Rather, we had taken up the question of: What is ailing marriage today? Our discourse revolved around the seemingly desperate plight that we find marriage in these days. Divorce rates are up and the very institution of marriage is under attack. It was my friend’s position (let’s call him ‘Jack’) that the problem lies in our lifespan. Since each of us is living longer, and yet we are marrying relatively early, couples can currently look forward to almost double the ‘marital bliss’ that could be expected just 50 years ago. From here Jack concluded that people simply cannot be expected to get along for 60 years. To account for this, Jack suggests that we retool marriage so that it is an agreement that the couple will stay together for ‘X’ number of years. That number will be whatever is ‘sufficient to raise a child(ren).’ After that point, there will be an ‘opt out’ clause such that if each party is willing, the marriage will continue…if not then they go their separate merry ways. Sound good? Jack’s proposal solves that pesky problem of divorce (in a sense) and allows people to ‘grow,’ even if they grow apart, and still maintain civil relations. Well, as you might have guessed, I feel obliged to take some issue with this outlook. Specifically, there are two aspects to our society today that I think contribute to the plight of marriage (in addition to longevity). First, it would seem that today’s society is increasingly selfish. There are really no two ways about it. We are constantly bombarded with images from the Media (for which we are partly culpable as consumers) about the ultimate importance of Happiness. Yes, we are told/believe, the state of Bliss can be ours and it will be obtained just over the next workout, perhaps just around the next bottle of facial cream, or maybe it lies beyond the next spa. Should we all try to be happy? Sure. Should we all be happy at the expense and to the determent of those around us? Umm…maybe not. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not pointing my finger at anyone in particular, this is a general societal drift and essentially everyone (myself included) finds it all too easy to follow the current to some extent. The point is that it’s happening, and it is contributing to the inability of two adults who were once in love to continue to live together ‘till death do them part. The second issue I see as contributing to the faltering of marriage is suggested by the title above. When was the last time you heard anyone say, “I give you my Word”? I would say that for anyone under the age of 60 the chances are pretty good you’ve never heard any such thing. This is obviously not to say that no one keeps their word…but it is to say that the concept of an ‘Oath’ has been largely lost. I should point out that there are still a number of oaths that are taken very seriously, including (but not limited to) those of the Armed Forces, the Police (etc.) and those taken prior to testimony in court. Incidentally, that last one would certainly be taken even more seriously if the original Roman standards were kept…but that’s beside the point. The point here is that one of the oaths that has fallen by the wayside is: ‘Till Death Do Us Part. Who actually thinks about those words before they are uttered in a wedding ceremony? I would say a very small minority. And more to the point, who bears in mind their true meaning and binding nature over the course of decades. Fewer still. Therein lies the problem. You might be wondering from whence I think all these problems arose. Well, they’re certainly not new. I believe that a very large Christian denomination got started when a certain King of England wanted some very final ‘divorces.’ So the problems are not new. Rather they have multiplied, spread and are threatening to maim or destroy marriage as the cornerstone of our culture. The problem today is multifold. There is an increase in selflessness and a decrease in the meaning of the Oath (and yes, Jack, an increase in our lifespan), causing a weakening of Marriage. Then comes a challenge to the very definition of Marriage, with the supporters of the institution finding themselves defending a sick charge. What’s a Marriage-proponent to do? Personally, I take a stand wherever I can in defense of the institution of Marriage against all comers. While this strategy can be momentarily satisfying (as I enjoying ‘discussions’) it is not the most effective means of defense. The most efficacious course of action is to live your own life in a way that is consistent with your deepest beliefs…not with momentary ease. A simple first step? Take a moment from your busy day. Stand up straight and tall. Look up at the Stars and Stripes. And only say it if you mean it… “I Pledge Allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it Stands. One Nation, under God, Indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for All.” What better place to start? Who knows where we might go next. ------------ About the author: Tom is a conservative medical student in liberal New England who probably spends too much time paying attention to politics and never lacks topics for friendly discussions. Email Thomas Carroll: carroll@student.uchc.edu Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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