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Apr 13, 2004 It was a strange day when I entered the lab and found out my experiment worked. I actually created something mankind, (well, womankind), will appreciate. I knew I had something every woman would love to get her hands on. This little miracle I created will make any man, woman or child well… for a lack of better words, perfect. After 20 years of trying to create this little pill I had finally succeeded. So now I had to find the right candidate. Someone that this pill would dramatically increase their perfectness. So I spent the next 27 weeks looking for the right candidate. I went from Washington state to Florida. I thought it would be a bust. But, as it turned out I was on my way back to the plane when I found her. She was exactly as I thought she would look like. I asked her a lot of questions and got some strange answers. ME: So, where are you from? GIRL: The same place you’re from. ME: I don’t understand. GIRL: You know… the hospital. ME: Okay. So, what do you do for a living? GIRL: I breathe. Now I’m telling you this girl just gave me strange answers. So after interrogating her for hours and asking endless questions I knew I had the perfect candidate. So I finally asked if she would like to try a new pill I had created. GIRL: Sure, I’ll try anything. ME: Okay. Do you take any other pills or have any problems that I need to know about? GIRL: Well sure. I take aspirin every third day of the fourth month. I take other stuff but that is personal. ME: What about any problems? I asked with a little trepidation. GIRL: Well, I once had a bad breathe problem. But now that I take garlic that problem is no longer there. Oh, and I did have a bad riding experience. ME: Riding experience? I don’t understand. GIRL: Well, I am not very good at riding in the passenger seat of a car. I seem to fall out a lot. ME: Okay. Is that it? GIRL: Yep. That about covers it. ME: So, if you sign this waiver I am sure we can help you. She took the pen and tried signing my hand but I had to tell her that a waiver is not a hand waving but a document relieving me of any lawsuits if something bad happens. It was a small stack of papers and had every disclaimer that these pills side effects could do or have on you. She signed and didn’t even bother reading the side effects. That kind of got me wondering. But I gave her the pill anyway. After days and days I asked her the same questions and got the same answers as before. So I guess my pill wasn’t so perfect after all. But who cares. I can still market this thing and make all the research money back if nothing else. So I put this little ad in the paper and on television. Do you dream of being perfect? Do you want to be the perfect match for your partner? Is life not so perfect and you’d like to be? If you have always dreamed of being perfect then this pill is for you. It is the perfect pill*. The cost is only 240 payments of $35.99. Perfection doesn’t come without a price. So, if you want to be perfect call 1-800-PERFECT for the first twenty four hours of the last day of the third month in the spring equinox. *Don’t take this pill if you are pregnant or think you are pregnant or your family has a pregnancy, if you look lost or feel lost or someone you’ve known has been lost, if life is treating you badly, if you are poor or are a middle class citizen in the lower 9 states, if you have problems of any kind, if you think, if you are alive, if you think you are alive, if you are bleeding from some place other than the fingers, if you might throw up in the next ten years, if you drink, if you breathe, if you work or are out of work or just got laid off in the last 20 years, if you think you might be depressed or are depressed or have known someone who could be or are currently depressed. Side Effects that could result are; blindness, living, vomiting, driving, breathing, walking, talking, working, not working, or it could result in death. So if you experience any of these problems discontinue the use of this pill. In other words, unless you are already perfect, (Jesus), then don’t take this pill. ------------ ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Terrence Dean Astleford known online for over 12 years as KNIGHTWARP lives in Florida and works at NW Sign as an installers helper. Email: knightbaby@earthlink.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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