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 Sherrie Lynn Barton Nov 23, 2002 "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." ~Gloria Steinem ~~~~~~~~~~~ -As long as you keep leaving the toilet seat up, we will continue to watch Oprah. -You will not ever be able to find a quality Christmas gift at any car wash, gas station, or roadside dumpster at 9:55 P.M. on December 24th. -The same applies for Valentine's Day, Anniversaries, or whenever you have done something wrong that your wife has found out about. So don't even try. -Women are not hard to understand. You just aren't smart enough. -Being the last man on earth would mean you would be surrounded by fat, happy, hairy-legged gals. -Even when you are not around, there is always chocolate. -Your mother is annoying. If I think so, it must be true. -"I love you" really means "Take out the trash." -Beer can pyramids in the living room are not an interesting conversation piece. -The hair in the sink may have come from your head, or it could be from where I waxed my facial hair this morning. Either way, clean it up. -Monday Night Football is why women live longer than men. -PMS is my excuse, what's yours? -Just do as I say and I'll never try to change you. -There is no "I" in vacuum. -Nor is there one to be found in laundry. -I already know that the stereo you put in your truck cost more than my wedding ring. -There was only one immaculate conception ever in the history of mankind. The rest of you need to change some diapers. -Your old girlfriend called about a year ago. Did I forget to tell you? -Women are just as talented as men in pretending to listen. -Yes, I am going to eat all that. -My finger did not turn green due to an allergy of solid gold. -Women with a lot of headaches are usually coupled with men who turn out to be beggars. -Yes, I did throw out your favorite underwear. All that was holding them together was a wish and some elastic. -Women mark their territory by having men hold our purses in the mall. -Men do the same by missing the water and hitting the seat. -Victoria's secret is she is still single. -A woman President will never be only because we wouldn't be pulling out the big toys and blowing each other up every week. -A woman President would mean a ban on all diets. -You know why I haven't gotten as many speeding tickets as you. -I tell you about all the bills during football. -Dumb blondes are still richer than you are. -My mother will continue to come for visits just as long as your mother rides her broom. -YOU asked ME to marry you. Therefore, you owe me one. -Wherever you find a woman, there also will you find a sale. -We will always and forever more be right. Deal with it. ------------ Sherrie Lynn Barton is the mother of four children and resides in Louisa, Virginia. She is the writer of several children's poems and has been featured on Poetry.Com for her poem entitled "Seeing Forever." Recently Sherrie Lynn has begun a new venture, an e-column entitled Real Women, and has a website in conjunction with the column. Email Sherrie: Sycoesmom@aol.com Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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