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June 8, 2003 Dear George: How’s it going? I wanted to applaud you on how swiftly you pulled off the invasion and the war and the slick way that you got Congress and the Senate to back you up on the invasion and all. Well done. As you might remember, I never was able to slip something as big as that through my Congress anything near as fast as you managed to. Invoking the War Powers Act certainly helped, and believe me, I would have done the same thing except I just couldn’t figure out a way to tie that into my whole thing with What’s-her-name. Oh well, my bad, your good I guess. No, the reason that I’m dropping you this note is to offer up some advice on the problems that you are having at the moment. You know the ones where all those liberal Democrats (and a lot of the rest of the world) are bugging you about why you haven’t found any Weapons of Mass Destruction yet? Yeah, that problem. I mean, before the war you and Don and Colin and Condi and Paul all were coming out with some pretty damned serious statements about Saddam having WMDs. I mean you flat out said on several occasions, "We KNOW that Saddam has Weapons of Mass destruction." And then you sent Colin over to the UN with all those pictures and charts and secret reports and I’ll be damned if you didn’t convince me. At the time, I did kind of wonder why you didn’t give that information on over to the UN Inspectors because it seems to me that if they had that kind of definite information then they wouldn’t have been spending so much time poking around all those other places, and instead would just have gone right to the spots that your guys had already found, right? But then I thought about it some more and I figured that it had to do with access, or rather restricted access. You figured out that the Iraqi’s weren’t going to let you anywhere near those sites with Saddam still sitting in the driver’s seat, so the invasion had to happen. Get that old Sandlot Hitler out of the way and then just march on into the sites that you already KNEW existed and then that would be that. Well, you toasted Saddam good. He is as gone as a hound-dog chasing mermaids, and now our boys seem to pretty much have the run of the country right? It seems to me that now’s the time that you ought to give the information over to our boys, right? I mean, heck, who’s going to stop us from going into those restricted sights now, right? Anyway, lord knows you must have your reasons and I have to respect that. It just seems like you could save yourself a lot of headaches by getting your hands on some of those WMDs that you said you KNEW were there right away. I mean, that would shut up a lot of these liberal types who have been buzzing around the newspapers and the TV lately. So, I wanted to lend you a hand, you know, a little advice from one president to another. Take it if you want, or don’t. Makes no never mind to me. Basically, it gets down to how you answer your questions George. If you’ll remember, I got a lot of mileage out of that whole "It depends on how you define the word "sex". Or my all time favorite, "Depends on what your definition of the word ‘is’ is." That one was great. Anyway, what I suggest George is that the next time some pesky reporter or Op/Ed columnist pokes his nose in and asks you about those real definite statements that you and your gang made before the war, the statements that were used to convince the Congress to send our young men and women out there to die for our country and all, well the next time that happens I think that you ought to lean forward and give ‘em that little smirk of yours (that’s really good by the way) and you look ‘em in the eye and say, "Depends on what your definition of ‘KNOW’ is". I s’pose you could substitute ‘know’ for "Unequivacable Truth’ or ‘"definite evidence’ but I know how those big words can trip you up sometimes, so maybe you should stick with ‘know’. In any case, Good luck George. Ain’t the big chair a hoot? Your Pal Bill ------------ Email Scott Jones: scott.jones@medem.com Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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