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July 25, 2003 Ever notice how difficult it is to communicate? I had a dear friend who used to repeat the same information he wanted you to know at least three times. It used to be quite annoying and I never really understood why he did it. If it was a question, out of respect, I would answer each time. If it was a statement, I would just absorb it however many times it was repeated. Over the years, I have refined this technique, and rather than annoying, have found it quite useful. I know that most people have cluttered minds. so even if you are looking them straight in the eye while speaking, and they are looking you straight in the eyes, they are not listening. Your words become part of the clanking and clattering of their constant background noise. So, now, just to be sure I am heard, I will let the conversation run on, and then insert what I have said before. It always surprises me that the response is as if I had not said anything at all,as if this was the first time the person heard what I had said. And that is an accomplishment. If it is a serious conversation, I know that often, what I said is interpreted according to that person's preconceived notions, blocking any possibility of penetrating to true understanding, let alone communication. This idea of repetition can be used another way. I hear you say something, and before I respond personally, I repeat what you said to let you know that I heard you and to verify if what I heard is what you meant. This gets truly complicated if native languages are not the same. Assuming that both people speak the same native language, the cycle of communication using repetition is fairly basic and useful. It may not be the emotional exchange of usual patter, but it goes a long way in promoting clear communication. Listening and asking questions are vital to this process. We have two ears and one mouth. Folk wisdom uses this fact to point out that we should listen twice as much as we speak. This takes practice, like anything else. Bad conversation habits such as geting off the subject, confusing the listener with disjointed conversation or talking too fast can be overcome. Emotional situations require more effort. If angry, we all tend to take it out on someone. Hopefully, the person who is in the middle of our storm, is patient enough not to respond in kind, but will instead try to find out what we are upset about, and what can be done. Since this is an exchange, it is our responsibility to know why we are upset and express that in an understandable fashion without getting too far afield. This takes practice, too, and lots of experience. Words carry all our cultural thoughts and emotions. Behind each word stands a host of unspoken concepts. If I speak with someone about artistic pursuits and they use the word "artsy" in reference to that kind of activity, that person has reduced the entire body of knowledge and production to a low level, one that is not worth further consideration or importance. And if you are artsy-fartsy, your opinions about anything are probably not worth listening to either. How different in Japan, for example. Art is in abundance. Even persons on the lower economic end of society enjoy and revere artistic sensiblity in their clothes, stationary, flower arrangements, wall decorations, to mention a few. In China, what we would consider an uneducated peasant, regularly enjoys traditional Chinese opera. I can't imagine the local cowboys in my area attending an opera. In Switzerland, CEO's of some of the world's most prestigious banks, have recognized the value of art. I have been told that in an effort to develop their top executives, company's regularly schedule painting classes. The result has been better performance. A participant in the program reported that he felt more relaxed, and had felt a renewed enthusiasm for living. This, for him, stimulated more creative mental activity. I have heard of one individual in California who is developing similar programs for excecutives there. Developing the "artistic" side of the brain does not generally seem to be of major concern. In Broward County, Florida, where I live, art budgets for practically every organization have been sliced. The popular buzz word in eductional as well as busines circles is "Think outside the box." If we so little value the development of the creative aspect of our brain, we provide few opportunities to practice. It would seem, just for the sake of survival, that it is critical to learn how to think creatively. If communication is to be clear, thoughts must be also. Critical or creative thinkig requires training and opportunities to develop. If we change our perceptions, perhaps we can open ourselves to new thoughts, and new ways of doing things. ------------ Email Risa: risa008@yahoo.com Comment on this column in the forum. Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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