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July 17, 2003 Of course, the topic of male/female reltionships is always a subject to discuss. One of my associates, a lovely young woman, was listening to her mother's observation regarding her marriage. This yung woman's husband does anything for her. Not the usual scenario. Her boss does anything for her, too. I, also, do my best to please her and make her happy, and show her how much I appreciate what she does for me in the office. She is a very kind young woman, without vanity and pretense. She is always helpful to whomever she comes in contact with, and sensitive to those who are less kind or who may take advantage of her nature. Her mother's comment was made without any malicious intent. What could it mean? One of the definitions of"lay" is to appease. Appeasement is defined by Webster's as "the policy of giving in to the demands of a hostile or dangerous power in an attempt to prevent trouble." It would seem that it is through appeasement to hostile and dangerous men that women can have a satisfactory co-existence. One of my readers suggested that older women should teach the younger ones to love their husbands. I wonder if this is what my reader had in mind. Does he see himself as hostile and dangerous? I am sure that being walked on as a result of appeasement was not the end result he was looking for. Where does love come into the picture? Seeking clarification, I looked up the word love. There are lots of associated concepts: affection, benevolence, charity, compassion, forbearance, and mercy. Love, as used most commonly, refers to "strong affection for or attachment or devotion to a person or persons." It is not until the eighth definition that we come to concepts that rise above such a narrow focus: "In theology, a)God's benevolent concern for mankind. b)man's devout attachment to God. c)the feeling of benevolence and brotherhood that people should have for each other." If religion is our guide, the love of God should inspire us to cultivate a feeling of benevolence and brotherhood for each other. Affection, usually distinguished from love, is a feeling, a state of mind. it is also a disease, and ailment. Disease can be looked at as dis,not,ease, or not at ease. Affeciton, or love, can then be seen as being not at ease, whether pleasant or otherwise. People who claim love are often not at ease. If we strive to imitate God, then we should be benevolent. We should develop kindliness and the inclination to do good, and perform charitable activities. Charity, in Christianity, encompasses the concept of love of God for man or of man for his fellows, and specifically being kind, or lenient in judging others. Charity relates to mercy:"kindness in excess of what may be expected or demanded by fairness; forbearance and compassion." Forbearance includes self control and patient restraint; compassion means to feel sorrow for the sufferings or troubles of another with the urge to help. The former use of the word "man" meant human being, not just men. If people are to give and receive love, then they should recognize that we all suffer, we all have trials and tribulations. That is a universal fact. As long as you are alive, you will experience pain, disease, old age and death. Should we not have compassion for each other? Should we not exhibit self control and patient restraint in our dealings with one another? Should we not be moved to offer our assistance to our fellow beings? Too often, love is used to support our egos. Our small self needs satisfaction be it in material rewards or having our basic needs met or satisfying our desire to control others to feel empowered. And when our small selves do not get what we want, we no longer love. No wonder Christ said "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." We all need love, it is part of our makeup. Our ego stands in the way of actually allowing us to practice the dictates of our religion of choice. How often do you commit random acts of kindness? Or have mercy? Or feel sympathy for another's troubles with a desire to help them? How much patient restraint do we exhibit? Watching one of those reality shows, Paradise Island, I was disturbed by one of the young women. Apparently, she was offended by one of the men. He talked to her in harsh words or a manner that she said even her parents don't use. I am sure she was offended and probably felt quite badly. Her manner, though, was embarrassing, at least for me. She assumed a very aggressive stance,pointing her finger at the fellow, and angrily stating her position. Her rather attractive features were distorted and she resembled an imitation of an ugly, angry man. Had she handled herself with more restraint, and behaved with less ego and more forbearance, I am sure she would have gotten her point across just as effectively, or maybe even more so, without losing her best quality: her femininity. So, for the love of God, whoever you are, be kind, compassionate, helpful, merciful, and benevolent. ------------ Email Risa: risa008@yahoo.com Comment on this column in the forum. Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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