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Apr. 2, 2003 The war in Iraq has witnessed the introduction of a new group of people onto the battlefield. The dimension they bring to the war is one that is widely seen but hardly discussed. Their weapons are sophisticated and their wills are determined. They will stop at nothing to achieve their goal. An elite group of highly trained individuals, they are the men and women of the Photo Journalist Brigade. Unlike their cousins Rivera and Arnett, members of the PJ Brigade have had little opportunity to create mischief in the conflict so far. They have been forced to play a mostly passive role, one of capturing rapidly unfolding events in the heat of battle. However, as the fighting enters Baghdad, the role of the PJ Brigade can be expected to take a much more active role, one that goes something like this: [Scene: A small room at a military facility in Baghdad. Outside a door at one end stand two American soldiers about to attack two Iraqi soldiers standing near a door at the other end. A photo journalist stands in the middle of the room. The scene opens with the American soldiers charging into the room.] Photo Journalist: Cut! American Soldier 1: What the -- Photo Journalist: This isn't going to work. I need everyone over here for a second. American Soldier 2: Do you mind? We're trying to fight a battle here. Iraqi Soldier 1: That is right. Move out of the way so I can send these imperialist devils to their eternal destiny. Photo Journalist: Fine. Just bear with me a second. The images through the lens are just not working. [Snaps fingers. Points at Iraqi Soldier 2.] It's you. You've got too much stuff hanging off of you. Take those grenades off and toss them over there. Iraqi Soldier 2: You are out of your mind. Do I look like a fool? You are obviously an instrument of the Great Satan. American Soldier 1: Could we get on with things? Photo Journalist: [Ignores American Soldier 1. Continues with Iraqi Soldier 2.] I'm sorry, but these shots are just not gonna work. My magazine will never print them. Iraqi Soldier 1: These are going to a magazine? An American magazine? [Starts removing his grenade belt.] I'll do it. What do you need? Photo Journalist: [Looks Iraqi Soldier 1 over. Sighs.] OK, that might work. But I need you to stand between the camera and your buddy. [Claps hands a couple times.] Alright now. Places everybody. American Soldier 1: Finally. Photo Journalist: Ready? Act -- [Puts arms up and rushes to center of room.] Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. American Soldier 2: Give me a break! Are you crazy? Iraqi Soldier 1: Quiet, or I will kill you where you stand. Photo Journalist: There's still something not quite right. [Walks over to window and opens shade. Looks around and taps his finger on his chin.] I think I want the Americans to make a really bold statement here. American Soldier 2: That's what we were planning -- if you'll just get out of the way. Photo Journalist: I've got it! [Slaps his hands together and looks at American soldiers.] Do you guys have a Pulitzer -- I mean, a howitzer you could bring in here? American Soldier 1: Oh, sure. I've got one sitting in the trunk of my car out by the curb. Shall I go get it? Photo Journalist: That'd be great. If you don't mind. American Soldier 2: Hello-o-o! He was kidding. Iraqi Soldier 2: Enough of this. Move aside picture-man, or prepare to join these American devils in their deaths. Photo Journalist: That's perfect! Can you give me that same look while you come charging through that door? I need you to keep that same emotion on your face. Iraqi Soldier 2: Like this? [Makes a face.] Photo Journalist: [Frowns.] Well, not really. Let's take a different angle here. All of you put your weapons over there on the floor. American Soldier 1: I don't think so. Photo Journalist: Look here, Soldier. I've been real patient with you guys so far. And you haven't been a real cooperative pair. Now don't make me call your commanding officer. [All four soldiers look at each other and shrug. They lay down their weapons.] Photo Journalist: Get in position. Then, on my signal, everyone rush in and slug it out. And don't anyone look at the camera. Just do it like I'm not here. American Soldier 2: If only you weren't. Photo Journalist: And let's do one more thing ... On second thought -- never mind. We've gotta be done in ten minutes. I've gotta another shooting across town in twenty. Ready. Action! Iraqi Soldier 2: You evil Americans. Today you will die like the dirty devils you are. Photo Journalist: Perfect! That looked great. Now you Americans show me some emotion. Yell something back at them. American Soldier 1: Your mother wears combat boots. Photo Journalist: Excellent! Keep going. [Pause.] Now -- this is a little cheesy -- but grab each others' shoulders and sorta roll this way. Yeah, that's it. [Pause.] OK. That's a take. We're done. [The soldiers stand up and pick up their weapons.] Iraqi Soldier 1: Are you sure you got good shots of me? Photo Journalist: Absolutely. [Picks up his equipment bag.] These are some great candids! About the author: Pepe is a writer, whose day job as a software engineer keeps him from writing as much as he wants. His work has appeared in several magazines and periodicals. His take on life sometimes gets him a little out of step with the rest of society, but he keeps marching in the parade. You can reach him at wrob@usa.com. ------------ Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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