Fifth Grade Politics Part 1

Articles

Michael F Russell

Fifth Grade Politics Part 1
Oct 9, 2003

Ok class, today we’re going to have story time. This story is titled, “Fifth Grade Politics”.

The characters includes Liberella Media as the teacher, Graysome Davis as one of the students running for fifth grade class president, Arnie Schwartzenhopefull as the exchange student also running, and Louise Anne Times and her sister NYna Times as fellow students. There will also be a cameo or two, which we’ll see later.

Our story opens during a debate between the two candidates running for office while being moderated by the teacher…

“And in conclusion, I would like to point out that even though I took our fifth grade class money, as well as the fourth grade, third grade, second grade, and first grade class funds to purchase a bicycle for the sixth grade class, I promise that I won’t do it any more even though I may have to do it again if the sixth graders stop talking to me and hang out with me.”, spoke young Graysome Davis.

Ms. Media then thanked young Davis for a wonderful well-crafted speech and spoke glowingly of his skills as a leader and hoped that the rest of the class would quickly come to their senses and vote.

“Uh, Ms. Media, I think I still have a turn to say what I want to say”, stammered young Arnie.

“Ok you foreign snot, but make it quick. I don’t want to spend all day laughing at how you pronounce ‘school’.”

Little Arnie got up from his seat and made his way to the front of the class and standing behind the podium set up for this occasion started his speech, “I would first like to point out that if I am elected as fifth grade class president I will not take any money…”

“Miss Media! Miss Media!”, chimed the two Times sisters in the back of the class.

“What is it, you dear sweet innocent having no bias what-so-ever-in-these-events young ladies need?” Asked Ms. Media.

“Arnie pinched me!” Chimed Louise Anne Times.

“Where?”, Screamed Ms Media.

“In the playground!” Said young Ms Times.

“I meant, where did he pinch you?”, Asked a nervous, frenzied Ms. Media.

“In the leg!”, Ms. Times gleefully replied.

“When?”, Shrilled Ms. Media.

“Uh, … in … first grade.” Slowly replied Ms. Times.

“And he pinched me too!”, Shouted her sister, NYna.

“Where?”, Screamed (again) Ms Media.

“In the cafeteria!” , Answered NYna.

“I meant, where did he pinch you on your body, young lady?”

“In the leg!” NYna stated.

“When did this happen you poor child?”

“Well, … it kinda’ happened in the second grade.” NYna said.

Ms. Media slowly turned her head to the young Arnie, who stood there, slowly nodding his head, as if to accept what he did and sadly admit his mistakes. Ms. Media then got up and shook her finger at him saying, “You sick horrible little boy. I’d send you to the principals’ office but he would probably wonder why it took several years for this to come to light. He might even think that these two dear sweet innocent-having- no incentive-what-so-ever-to-come-forward-now young ladies might be saving this up for an occasion where this information might prove to be useful to someone else!”

Yong Davis raised his hand and said, “Ms. Media, I also want to say that Arnie did a book report on Attila The Hun, and he said that Attila must have been a really good horse rider.”

Ms. Media swung around to point an accusing finger in young Arnie’s direction and said, “You twisted fiend! How dare you say that you liked and admired Attila The Hun. How dare you say that he was a role model for you and that you wanted to be just like him! Shame! Shame! Shame!”

Sitting in the back of the class, chewing on a number 2 Pardigus Pencil, young Rushy Limbaugh muttered, “I think they’re blowing this way out of proportion.”

Swinging her gaze around, Ms. Media said, “I want you to be quiet! You are still suspended from making any comments after that horrid honest thing you said in the school newspaper! I don’t want to hear another word out of you!”

Young Arnie raised his hand and said, “Ms. Media? I’d really like to get back on track and talk about what I want to do for the fifth grade class. Hopefully about getting money back into our class funds for field trips and cookies and punch.”

Returning to her desk, Ms. Media said, “I’m sorry, there is no more time. You have to sit back down in your seat you pinching-Attila-loving- pronounces-words-funny-little-foreigner you. Now I want everyone in the class to take a vote for who you want to be our next class president. Young charming Graysome Davis or Arnie Whats-his- name. Please cast your votes now.”

That’s all the time I have now for this little story. But don’t worry boys and girls, I’ll be sure to finish it after Tuesday.

Class dismissed. About the author; Mike Russell is a Ninja/fighter pilot/ astronaut with x-ray vision who likes to make up stuff about the author when his wife isn’t looking.

------------

About the author: Mike Russell is a Ninja/fighter pilot/ astronaut with x-ray vision who likes to make up stuff about the author when his wife isn’t looking. Email Michael F Russell:

Comment on this column in the forum.

Tell a friend about this site!

------------