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Dec 31, 2003 Well, here it is, another years end. So many things have happened since I've last taken pen to paper (so to speak) that I don't really know where to begin. Instead, I'll try to sum up the year 2003 and try my predictions for 2004. Personally, this year has been a milestone in that I've purchased a home for my family and brought into the world my youngest son. I have a great job and a loving wife and a son who's entering puberty faster than Ted Kennedy at an open bar. Most of our bills are paid and we have two vehicles. (I guess that makes us filthy rich under the demacrats spending plans, but I digress...) Politically, George Bush has made some mistakes (but who here hasn't) but he is still going to be remembered as one of the great presidents. We caught Saddam Huessien (translated; Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and kicked serious butt in two countries. The cast of fools that call themselves the demacratic candidates are still running around like a tribute to the Three Stooges. And there's no telling what the Evil Hillary will be up to. Jobs are on the rise, the economys doing great, the DOW is up over ten K; that must REALLY cheese off the dems! In the world of entertainment we have a pop star caught with his pants down, a basketball player with his pants down, and some chick named Hilton who won't keep her pants up! This year we've had to put up with J-Lo, Ben-Lo, Ben-Gay and Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. If I have to listen to one more double entendre I'm just going to scream, and redecorate... There have been many deaths this year. All will be missed, but the one that hit me the most was the original, Man In Black. Too bad we can't clone character the way we do sheep. For those of you who have never listened to his music, I would strongly recommend going out now, (YES NOW!!) and buy or download any of his music. Sports? Who cares. The Cubs lost, the Bears are having a stinky season, and I don't follow hockey. The rest of the world just plodded along, kind of like it always does, no matter what we do or say or build or create, we can always be humbled by nature, whether it be from the earth or human in origin. Now my predictions for the year 2004. 1. Osamma bin Laden will be caught this year. The big surprise though, it will be during a french kiss with Madonna during the Grammy Awards. 2. The demacratic nominee for the 2004 election will be a darkhorse candidate. Pauly Shore. His flat tax proposals along with his statemanship while winning him the nomination won't be enough for the presidential election though. 3. Hillary Clinton will be captured by aliens and replaced with an evil robot duplicate. No one will notice, though the robot will have nicer legs. 4. The fad in reality based game shows will take a twist as Paris Hilton is deserted on an island and the only way off is for her to sing to Simon and be voted on by a bunch of bachelors. 5. And finally, Madeline Albright will announce that she is carrying Howard Deans love-child. Happy New Year. Peace. Mike Russell ------------ About the author: Mike Russell is a Ninja/fighter pilot/ astronaut with x-ray vision who likes to make up stuff about the author when his wife isn’t looking. Email Michael F Russell: mikerussellus@yahoo.com Comment on this column in the forum. Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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