ARCHITH: You know, I have dealt with conservatives quite a bit in the past few weeks in the forum and I have noticed a few defining characteristics. We've seen articles that poke fun of the liberals' way of arguing right? So it's only fair that we get one about the conservatives.

Now on to the guidebook: 1. Make assumptions based on one piece of data. See the conservatives I deal with do this a lot. They make arguments based on one little fact. One example is "liberals hate God.?

MATTHEW: So far, so true. And "liberals hate God" is not even anywhere near a fact. Here is a quote from another article, and these assumptions already start coming up. "not expect atheistic, God-hating liberals to know" "He (Jesus) certainly wasn't a mythical fictional character in The Big Book of Folklore...as the liberals call it."

ARCHITH: THE TRUTH: NO. They don't actually. I know many liberals who are good Christians. This assumption was made on only a few data points. Similarly, conservatives tend to make arguments after only a little data.

2. Extrapolate. Misrepresent your opponent completely. What you do here is you hear an argument. Then twist it around completely so that it doesn't resemble anything like what the person said. However, it completely changes everything. For example, if you say, "Bush hasn't found WMD, ", that means, "OK. So what you mean is you think Saddam never had weapons or was never dangerous. " THE TRUTH: NO. All that was said is that WMD hasn't been found yet.

MATTHEW: This is SO very true. I do not know how many times I have been attacked by something I NEVER said. "Bush can't find WMD; therefore, they must not exist." Did I or Archith ever ever ever say that? NO. But somehow you put that up through our mouths that we said that. We haven't.

ARCHITH: 3. Talk about brain cells. If your opponent makes an argument, when you respond, make sure to mention "Gods to think that you had a working brain cell, " or, "do you even have a working brain cell?" or, "public schools must be contaminating your brain cells, " or, "being liberal is decreasing your brain cell count." THE TRUTH: Nope. Sorry to disappoint everyone but liberals do have working brain cells. Same as everyone else. These cells are actually made of the same material as the ones in every other human being.

4. Mudsling. Besides the good old brain cells, throw in a few insults. Like "I feel like I am having a conversation with a three year old, " or "What is WRONG with you?" or ,"Public school twit." THE TRUTH: Mudslinging is just a childish way of avoiding arguments. Don't know why it happens. The point is when you are arguing with someone, avoid the mudslinging. It's just not a good thing.

5. Make complete use of facts but deny them when you see them. Make sure to always hammer liberals about this. Say, "give me proof because I gave you cold hard data." When they do this, say, "your facts are wrong, your source stupid, your mind mixed-up and zombie-like." THE TRUTH: Hypocrisy. Liberals make their arguments based on data too. It's just that conservatives criticize the data because they feel it isn't good enough.

MATTHEW: How many times do I need to say, this is TRUE once again. We find sources, you don't like them. Example of just that in something I received. "is not the place to go to get an accurate picture"

ARCHITH: 6. Make fun of public schools endlessly. This might be the golden rule. You must poke fun of someone who goes to a public school. They are stupid, brainwashed, and "a twit." Anyone who goes to public schools has a stupid opinion and just don't matter. They also have an inferior English teacher. In fact you should tell them that their English teacher is so bad, it makes you want to cry. Ask them, "Where the heck did you learn logic? Oh right. In public schools." THE TRUTH: I'll agree with the fact that public schools aren't the greatest thing in the world. But in my state, our public schools are top. And even though the schools aren't good, by challenging myself, I can still be smart. It is possible to be smart in a public school. You should try it some time.

MATTHEW: Must I mention again all the awards my school has gotten and it's recognition nationally and state-wide. Maybe if you conservatives spent money into public schools instead of helping the richer kids get out, we'd be in better shape. Actual quotes concerning public schools: "just another brainwashed twit from the American school mill" "if you show up every day you get a 4.0" "public schools STINK" "Maybe you Okies just aren't as smart" "Is it any surprise that homeschoolers keep kicking the public school kid's butts?" "sort of nonsense is what's being taught in the public schools of Norman"

ARCHITH: 7. Always pick the Texas Longhorns to beat the OU Sooners. Those Longhorns are just so good. They went 11-2 last year. I mean they are going to cream OU. They've been national championship contenders for the past 3 years and they are definitely one of the best teams in the country. THE TRUTH: The Sooners kick Longhorn butt up and down the field. For the past 3 meetings have been crimson and cream domination. I believe two years ago, the Sooners embarassed the Longhorns 63-14. And every year the Longhorns are national championship contenders. And every time, OU spoils it for them. Especially last year. Texas had a great year. They ripped through teams after OU. But they just can't pull it off against the big red.

7 rules to live by. The extra point is good!

MATTHEW: Must I say anything about Oklahoma football?!? We all know that Oklahoma is supreme in that respect.

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About the author: Matthew Stensrud is a high school student who loves politics and life. He has retained a 4.0 GPA throughout his high school career and is currently involved with the Young Democrats at his school. He is also an eCaptain for the Democratic National Committee. Other than politics, Matthew also loves music and plays the piano, organ, and handbells, and also sings in three choirs. Visit his website or email Matthew Stensrud: maths8877@yahoo.com

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