The New Public School for Pretty Caucasians

Articles

Lanny Grant

The New Public School for Pretty Caucasians
July 29, 2003

The Harvey Milk Academy in New York is capturing headlines for becoming "the nation's first accredited public high school designed to meet the needs of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth."

Wait. I thought liberalism was about diversity. Let me check my notes...I could have sworn liberals were about inclusion of all groups, not excluding anyone...Maybe I'm wrong...

What hasn't gotten headlines - not yet anyway - is a new public, tax payer-funded high school opening in Los Angeles.

The Public School for Pretty Caucasians is "the nation's first accredited public high school designed to deny the needs of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders, questioning youth, Jews, Latinas, Blacks, Chinese, Japanese and Native Americans."

Lance Blane, principal of PSPC, and handsome, states that pretty white kids aren't getting the education they need. "Public schools are more concerned with Spanish-speaking illegal immigrants than with the kids who were actually born here," Blane says. "American-born Caucasians, of every hair color, are being discriminated against in public schools every day. They aren't getting the education they need because of all the foreigners."

He continues, "also, the discrimination against attractive high school girls goes unnoticed by the media. Pretty girls are cruelly and inhumanly harassed every day in high schools across the country, because they are beautiful. They can't help what they are, it's nature. That's the way the God made them. They didn't one day 'chose' to be beautiful, they were just born that way." He added, "how would you feel if you were subjected daily to the belittling, demoralizing, and demeaning taunts that you are all beauty and no brains? PSPC was created to shield pretty white people from such venomous and demonizing attacks. Pretty white people deserve to go to school and not be bullied too."

So who will be admitted to PSPC?

"You have to pretty and white, as the name of the school suggests," Blane says. "I know. It is grossly unfair, and wildly politically incorrect. How do we exactly chose who is pretty enough to be admitted to our school?"

"Naturally, having over-proportioned features, such as a large forehead or an oversized nose will keep you out," he says.

When asked about the admission of the handicapped, Blane responded, "do you mean overly- short guys, or overly-tall girls?"

"Oh. The other kind of handicapped. The handicap will absolutely be admitted. If a girl is deaf and as beautiful as Marlee Matlin, she will definitely be admitted. We are inclusive here."

The criteria, Blane continued, on which aspiring students will be adjudged, will be instituted by a panel of former magazine model scouts. They will review each student with in-person interviews, and by photographs. "It's important that our students are photogenic," Blane added. "Yearbook photos are forever."

When asked if the curriculum at PSPC will be different from other high schools, Blane said, "we will not teach anything that comes from an ugly, non-White person." He added, "we thoroughly vetted each subject, making sure our students are only learn from attractive whites. Other than that, the curriculum is the same."

Blane concluded. "We do not discriminate here at the PSPC. If you are a pretty redhead, brunette, or blonde. If you have blue eyes, green eyes, brown, hazel, or black. If you fair-skinned or tan. Long hair, or short. Curly, wavy, or straight. If you are an American, not fat, and only speak English. We want you."

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