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Jan 20, 2004 Meeting the Political Scientist for the first time began with meeting her kids, who were out in the yard waiting for me. They were enthusiastic about the Volkswagen and seemed excited about meeting me. The Scientist came to the door. This is a big moment, when you see each other for the first time and one or the other of you may think, NOPE, and this will be the first and last date. The PS girl was smaller than I imagined, about 5 feet tall and a hair more than 100 pounds. She had reddish-blonde hair in kind of a page boy cut and was wearing a very nice bright red-and- yellow top over a dark skirt. This had to be the tiniest woman I had ever dated! She seemed a bit nervous in her movements but also very glad I was there, so apparently she was not put off by the first sight of me. She was very cute! Our first date was at an Italian restaurant and as we talked I realized that her eyes sparkled as she talked and that I was very attracted to her. I could also tell that she was attracted to me. We shared a few kisses and I drove home that night with more thoughts than my brain pan could hold. Sometimes I would come over there and we would rent a movie and all sit around in her living room watching it, eating popcorn. Sometimes we would leave the kids behind and go be on our own. We saw movies, we played pool and games, we walked and shopped and most especially we talked. We talked about the most critical issues and it was gratifying to me that she wanted to be as transparent as I did about everything that mattered; faith, sex, parenthood, responsibility, decisions, disagreements, etc. Being a guy, I don’t remember how long it took before I realized that realized that my search was probably over. She was sweet, cute, sexy, talented and of very estimable character. What was I waiting for? Hmm, let’s see….I knew my kids didn’t want me to marry before at least the end of the school year and I began dating the PS in late summer. Now it was fall. It was always possible she would say no, or not yet. But I didn’t think so….So I went diamond hunting and wound up buying a classic ¾ carat diamond ring (what, you thought I was rich?) and now I was ready to propose, right? Every relationship I had ever had from the time I had been a teenager had failed. Many of them had started in a euphoric cloud and ended with sorrow or anger or even depression. I had many times just seemed to lose interest in a woman without being sure why. Suddenly she would not seem as pretty, seem as clever, and seem as sexy as she had the day before. Even as a Christian I could see signs of that popping up. Of course there had been times when I had been the one dumped. Lots of people could get hurt! But I did ask her to marry me, while sitting with her on her big overstuffed couch and she actually said, “Yes”, among other things. Funny how if you ask a woman to marry you, and she wants to, how enthusiastic she will get! We then began the planning; she would sell her house and we would likely get married in the late spring of the following year, assuming her house sold that fast. Hopefully we could time it with the end of school for her two children. Then we would all move into my house and look into a new one. But when we put her house on the market, she got several offers on the very first day including a cash offer for more than her asking price! We found that there were new homes being built in just the neighborhood we would like and within our price range. We wound up finding ourselves selecting colors and carpeting for our soon-to- be-built home. We asked the pastor of her church about a date for marriage and he kept moving the date up as he looked at his calendar of events. Every circumstance seemed to point us towards an early wedding. We wound up being married on December 21st. Not only did my kids not mind, but my daughter Michelle was a bridesmaid and oldest daughter Sara sang at the wedding. (My oldest son was in Hawaii, in the US Army and could not attend). My son, David, sang a duet with me right before the ceremony and was the best man. Nathan and Amanda, Debbie’s two children, were also part of the official wedding party and everyone was so very happy! Debbie was a gloriously beautiful bride, so happy, and I was bursting! It was such a good start… The perhaps boring truth is that we were happy to be married and it keeps getting better! We did get to honeymoon in Hawaii (and visit my son, Robert), which was awesome. I realized quickly that I had a fantastic friend and lover and comfortable companion who was a terrific mother-type person for my children all wrapped up in one small package. I occasionally call Debbie “my portable wife”. We are so truly blessed! I suppose I thought a relationship this close was found only within the pages of unrealistic novels and one could only hope to find a pale imitation someday out in the real world. No! I now know that it is possible for two imperfect people to be in great communion and love that rivals the Biblical definition of love in the book of First Corinthians: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1st Corinthians 13:4-7) I leave off the next thought that proclaims that love never fails. Debbie and I can fail each other and we still love. But Jesus never fails anyone. I believe that I found Debbie because God arranged it. But I tried to follow Biblical principles while dating and Debbie and I obeyed the admonition to remain celibate outside of marriage. She and I both sought to lead Christian lives before we met, while we dated, and now. I sing in church services and we both work with the High School youth group. We have a home where our kid’s friends like to hang out and it may be noisy sometimes, but it is a “noisy peace”. I work from home, Debbie is a homemaker and it is all just wonderful. If you read all seven parts of this series, you realize that I am very imperfect and have done a few dumb things in my time. One reason I have written this is to be transparent and show a Christian guy making mistakes, stumbling along through the dating game, finding his way while having faith in God and praying for his future mate. Oh yes, I prayed not just to find her but also for her while I sorted through various possibilities. It took years of effort, some time and money and heartache and perseverance. I can tell you that every second of it and every bit of it was worth it! I did not “settle” as many have done. I am now married to someone who I love and admire and cherish and trust absolutely. If you are looking for a mate right now, may you be blessed in your search. Last word? At the center of our very strong relationship is the relationship Debbie and I both have with God through Jesus Christ. I cannot imagine life without the Spirit of God alive in me. If you are looking for peace and truth you will not find it in a mate unless you have found it in the Creator God. If you have any questions in that regard, just ask me. Love, and God is love, never fails! ------------ About the author: Kimbal Ross Binder is a husband of one wife and parent of six child units of various sizes. He is a tennis bum, karaoke singer, punster and a reformed liberal who now admires Rush Limbaugh and hates to miss Fox News in the evening. You can pass along plaudits and invectives to: radarbinder@comcast.net Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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