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Jan 13, 2004 THE SOUTHERN BELLE had a sweet accent and had pet names for me and the kids. But she began revealing a nasty side and was later diagnosed to have multiple personalities, most of whom hated God, me and herself. Without going into details the fact is that my kids and I were taken in by her at first and we were all hurting from the rejection and craziness when the relationship finally ended. The pain just inspired me to be sure to work at getting to know women better before I began giving away any pieces of my heart. THE AUTHOR was smart and witty and cute. She also believed that one should have sex after being engaged and before marriage to make sure of “compatibility”. I had been there, done that. Other areas of disagreement arose, so we kept in touch for awhile as friends. Later on, while I was between girlfriends we revisited the idea of a relationship and she suggested we just “have a quick, meaningless affair and get it over with” which I considered. But I remembered the lesson of Echo and decided to say no, which put an end to us altogether. THE HOMEMAKER had an independent income and a sweet personality. We got close enough to go looking for houses together for our new blended family. But she wanted to be the head of her own children and wanted me to be the head over my own, thus leaving the house somewhat divided. Nah! THE ATTORNEY and I had great conversations and great chemistry. She had a caring heart for others, she was pretty, she was smart and she thought I was great. Things went well for awhile, until the day she asked me what kind of birth control she thought we should use, since our relationship was obviously moving forward to that point. I had already explained why that was a bad idea, but now that we were getting closer she figured I would abandon my position on abstinence. She was determined to have that in her life before marriage and we broke up abruptly and unhappily. She sent me all sorts of nasty emails and made a few crank calls and then a couple of weeks later made an attempt to woo me back. I declined and had to endure a few more nasty emails before she gave up. Whew! THE VICTIM of a bad accident was able to stay home and live off of a settlement, although she was not scarred or crippled other than having a cranky back. She did not like going out and made it clear the second date probably needed to include sex. I really began to wonder, at this point, about the whole sex thing. Back when I was single and before I became a Christian my main thought was to try to get girls to go to bed with me. I worked hard at it and the idea that I might meet the girl of my dreams was a secondary consideration. Now that I wanted to hold sex off until marriage it seemed like the majority of women who were advertised as Christians either thought sex was okay once you were engaged, or maybe once you were dating steady, or maybe some forms of it were okay and not others…….it just made the whole process that much harder. THE ACTRESS made my day by sending a dozen roses to my office one day. All the women in the office came by to ask me about the girl who would send her boyfriend flowers! I was very glad to have met her, because she was very open and upfront about her thoughts and wants. She struggled with my appearance because although she was attracted to me, she thought I was too overweight and struggled with the idea of being with an overweight man in public. Great for my ego, eh? We dated for awhile but that issue did not go away and our connection did instead. I think she wanted to keep it going for awhile longer just in case her feelings changed but it looked like a dead end to me and we parted. THE TEACHER and I began to get close and then she called me and said it scared her to begin thinking of marriage. She was used to being independent and could not conceive of being a couple again. She asked if we could try again in six months and I said, sure, if I am still free I would call her. She occasionally would call or email or IM me after that. Very nice lady! THE SECRETARY was a combination of the Actress and the Teacher. She liked me and thought we had chemistry. In person we kissed and had a great time. Then she would have doubts and tell me she thought maybe I was not handsome enough for her. I told her that I wanted a girl who wanted me 100% and we parted as friends. She always called me the “Cool Dude” which was good for my ego sent me a nice email after we parted in which she told me how great she thought I was. I think she was trying to soften the “not handsome enough” blow after the fact. Oh, well! THE RECEPTIONIST was too young for me. She maybe thought she wanted an older man, but on our second date I became sure that we would wind up boring each other. Maybe she thought so, too. I never called her again, and she never called me. THE MARKETING LADY and I had it going on for awhile. She and I always had a lot of fun and her friends all told her how great I was. Yet something was not quite right. We were attracted to each other, but it was not terribly strong for either of us. Later I came to realize that money was a bit more important to her than to me, and our goals would never quite be the same. We parted as very good friends and I am happy to say that she is getting married in the near future and I hope it will be great! THE SINGER is someone I never dated, only shared emails and phone calls. She found me in the Christian dating site and kept emailing me even though I was dating someone else. In time I agreed to talk to her on the phone and she wanted to talk for hours. She sent me all sorts of pictures and never let a day go by without contact. I agreed to meet her, at a coffee shop. An hour and a half later I finally figured I had been stood up, and I went home. When she finally answered her phone she said she had chickened out and now thought that maybe she, being divorced, shouldn’t get married again so why try dating? I figured she was a goof and I was better off without her. THE POLITICAL SCIENTIST. At last, we come to another woman to whom more than a paragraph should be given. As usual, I met her in the Christian Café dating site, which had become the only one I used. The Café allows you to communicate within the site via a kind of email. Within that email you could then give each other a regular email address and or a phone number. I began emailing the Scientist onsite, as usual, and we exchanged poetry and so on. We got each other’s outside email addresses and then graduated to phone calls. I had met someone at a Wedding reception and was supposed to go on a date with that someone, but there was a complication and I had that weekend free. I had found the Scientist to be of special interest. She worked for a Christian organization that was politically connected and had previously been an election worker. She was very interested in both national and world events and was a student of the Bible. She seemed so sweet and nice. I was almost afraid to meet her and find that we didn’t have chemistry or there was a big issue that had not been apparent. Who knew? But I thought I had learned many important lessons: (1) Be yourself. (2) Ask the important questions. (3) Stay optimistic. (4). Be as transparent as possible. (5) Trust God to let you see a stop sign if something wasn’t right and to not leave anything unresolved. So I agreed to meet the Scientist, to pick her up at her house and go to dinner. I knew of her two kids, who were 10 and 14 years old and spoken briefly with them when one of them would answer the phone. But when I drove by her house, I saw both her kids standing out on the lawn, apparently waiting for me to arrive. I kept on going; after all, I was a bit early. Two blocks later I turned around and drove back. I was going to meet the Scientist and have this date. In part SEVEN, I will tell you about it. ------------ About the author: Kimbal Ross Binder is a husband of one wife and parent of six child units of various sizes. He is a tennis bum, karaoke singer, punster and a reformed liberal who now admires Rush Limbaugh and hates to miss Fox News in the evening. You can pass along plaudits and invectives to: radarbinder@comcast.net Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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