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Jan 5, 2004 We left off with me in a hotel room with someone I was not attracted to, a woman who had misled me, who was trying to seduce me. As it happens, I had been previously married for 20 years and had never committed aldultery and during that time. I had been a single dad for over a year and had been celibate. So there was no chance that I was giving in to this woman. She did convince me to let her stay in the room and sleep on the other bed, “so we could talk” and so it went. Much of the conversation was a plea to take time with her and let an attraction build. It seemed unkind to tell her that I would not find her attractive no matter if we communicated for years. She had already paid for some kind of tickets to Disneyworld for the next day and so I acquiesced. Perhaps it would even be fun? Dante had certainly described levels of hell that were more like fun. Disneyworld was pure torture. It was crowded, it was exceedingly hot and we stood in line for hours to take 6-minute rides. Mona kept trying to take my hand or to get me to kiss her and I kept looking for some kind of time warp to swallow me up and carry me away. The heat and humidity was aided by a decided lack of wind, but when the breeze kicked up, it was even worse. It brought a hard, warm rain that caught us out in a long line in which we had already stood for a half hour. We remained in place. The rain ended soon enough and within the hour there was not a trace of it anywhere save for a few uncomfortable portions of my clothing. I suppose I may have aged two or three years that day. At last I called a halt to the “fun” and declared that we needed to go get food. The place had “Wharf” in it’s name and it was right down at the water, and yet I could see from the menu that almost all the seafood had been shipped in from elsewhere, likely frozen and about as fresh as my rain and sweat-soaked attire. The food was fairly tasteless and too expensive. But at last we were done and I called upon her to take me back to my room. Up until now I had spent much of my time thinking about how I had gotten into this situation and how stupid I had been. But then Mona claimed she needed to stop by her house to get something on the way and my eyes were opened. She parked down the street from her house to walk up to the door and made lame excuses about why I could not come in to check the place out (The line had to be shorter to get in there than it was at Pirates of the Caribbean!). She parked one house down and walked to her front door? I had been so stupid! There had to be someone living there from whom I needed to be hidden, logically either a boyfriend or a husband! This is why she was okay with me renting a room rather than insisting I stay at her house. (I could have slept on a sofa, after all). Mona returned and as we drove back to the hotel I confronted her with my suspicions. She argued with me for a short time and then angrily relented. “Well, alright, I’ll tell you why I didn’t want you in my house. My husband is still living there, although we sleep in separate beds. We haven’t been able to afford a divorce.” But there was more, and as the story unfolded I felt even more foolish and deceived. She wanted a child and her husband was sterile. He agreed she could get pregnant by someone else but they grew apart and now both wanted a divorce. She had slept with a few men without getting pregnant and she was hoping I would come out to visit, get her pregnant and perhaps even help her with the cost of a divorce so I could marry her. The picture was supposedly of her, perhaps three years ago (I didn’t believe it) and the story about singing on the albums I owned was not true. While I was “enjoying” my brief Florida vacation, my kids were gone for the weekend visiting relatives. But I knew they would return Sunday evening and so I had made plane reservations to leave very early on Sunday morning. Now, that plan was a saving grace. At the motel, I ushered Mona out the door and into the night and plunked down exhausted, disgusted, on the bed. Mona, to give her credit for one thing, was certainly persistent. I had told her I could get to the airport fine in the morning, but there she was bright and early to drive me to the airport. No, I wanted no airport goodbyes with Mona! I agreed to let her drive me to a bus shuttle terminal and there said farewell to one very sorry individual. The plane could not get me home soon enough. I suppose I have never been nearly as fond of Florida since that weekend. NO MORE CHATROOMS To review, I was at that time a year from ending a 20 year marriage and was left with custody of 4 kids (but one, my 18 year old, would go off on her own when college began). I began meeting women in online chatrooms and when I finally met one of them in person it was a spectacular failure. Not realizing I likely had some healing and growing to do, I decided that going to chatrooms was not efficient and I needed to just meet women who lived nearby and with whom I could interact and observe before putting any feelings or hopes into a relationship with them. Anyone that I worked with was out, largely because any of the women at my workplace who were Christians were also all married. There were no good candidates at my church, either, and I didn’t go to bars. I tried going out with some of the women I met through my involvement in a large non-profit Christian agency but that also proved difficult. The first lady I dated turned out to have been involved (involuntarily) in pornographic movies and prostitution as a pre- teen and she definitely had issues left to be resolved. The second was someone I had known since the days that both she and I were married and even though we now were both divorced, somehow it felt wrong. My kids all knew her and griped about how boring they thought that she was. The third had been a stripper in Las Vegas and it turned out we both felt chemistry between us. On our second date, she asked me over to her apartment for dinner and to help her with her college homework. THE STRIPPER Laura was tall, blonde, slender with a somewhat prominent nose but otherwise pretty attractive. I came to dinner, went over her homework with her and all the while felt the strong pull of chemistry working on me. Once someone is married for a time, their sexuality is allowed to mature and one becomes used to expressing themselves in that way. Being celibate, although the right thing to do was not easy for me after all of those years. I have a very large dog who behaves himself very well at home. He weighs in excess of 110 pounds and is a powerful, healthy animal. He has a nice graveled run at home, but if I reward him with a walk around the neighborhood he can hardly contain himself. He pulls on the leash like a Clydesdale pulling a wagon, seeking to drag me along faster to the next bush or the next hydrant. I have to pull on him hard and abruptly to get him to heel should someone come near. If he were to get away, he would run regardless of my calls to him and wander footloose and fancy-free for a couple of hours before getting tired and heading for home. I found that my sexuality was something like this. Laura and I sat on the couch after dinner, supposedly to listen to some music and talk. After a minute or so, she looked into my eyes and said. “I’m very attracted to you”. The look, and the way she said it, was followed by her hand reaching out to caress mine and from the tilt of her head I realized I was being offered a kiss and perhaps much more. I couldn’t think of anything I would rather do at the moment than passionately kiss Laura and let nature take her course. The power of my desire rising within had me on the verge of physically shaking. So I stood up and made a rather awkward excuse about needing to get home to the kids and almost ran out of the apartment. I did not ever even call her again. I scared myself. But like Joseph in Egypt, I ran. (although I did keep my clothes). SITE-SEEING Now I had heard about online dating sites, and I thought I might try that. Perhaps people could better share information and make an initial separation of wheat and chaff that way. I wanted someone who shared my values and also my dreams and with whom I would connect on several levels. Fat chance, eh? Oddly enough, after a few weeks of emailing and being emailed and then occasionally calling people, I ran into someone on a Christian dating site that was not only interesting but also very local. I could drive to her house in probably 15-20 minutes! She would turn out to be someone who would have a profound effect upon me and upon my quest to find the woman of my dreams. I can hardly wait to relate the story of me and Echo DiCola. But I shall, until next time! ------------ About the author: Kimbal Ross Binder is a husband of one wife and parent of six child units of various sizes. He is a tennis bum, karaoke singer, punster and a reformed liberal who now admires Rush Limbaugh and hates to miss Fox News in the evening. You can pass along plaudits and invectives to: radarbinder@comcast.net Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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