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Dec 12, 2003 Now that Al Gore has decided to endorse Howard Dean for the Democratic Party’s Presidential nomination without letting his old running buddy Joe Lieberman even know about it, the whole nomination process is of no value. We might as well just give in and hand the reins to Howie right now. Right? We know Al didn’t do it to get his name and face back out in front of the cameras again. It had to be a decision from the heart. Not letting Joe know? Kindness. Letting Lieberman have a few more hours of faint Presidential hopes before cruelly crushing them at a high-profile press conference. Now that, my friends, is leadership! Lots of Clintonites were working with Lieberman, but even more of them were on the Clark bandwagon and yet Gore raised the banner for Dean anyway. Talk about selfless and courageous! Why, maybe we should see good old Al Gore as the new symbol of a new Democratic party. Or maybe NOT! Maybe we might view this as an opportunistic and unprecedented bad show on Gore’s part, the ill-timed act of a desperate man who saw what little sway he held in the Democratic Party slipping away. Latching on to Dean like a drowning man grasping for a lifebuoy after a shipwreck seems more like it. Gore may see this as a way to trump the Clinton hold on the Democratic leadership by aligning with Dean as he slices like a hot knife through primary butter. Maybe by some miracle Dean wins the election and then the Clintonites are the ones on the outside looking in. In any event, this action had to have stirred up the nine candidates like fresh gossip racing through a sewing circle. It brought me to an interesting thought: Which of the nine Democratic candidates would you want to have lunch with, in fact, which two, so you can have some nice squabbling along with your squab? WHICH DONKEYS TO TAKE? Howard Dean is the leader de jour and it might be going too far to say he almost seems a bit communistic at times. The guy isn’t afraid to be wrong at the top of his lungs, changes his story less than most of the others and has actual leadership experience as a governor which is a plus. But to me he is a left wingnut and I’d probably lose my appetite just hearing what he has to say. John “F-ing” Kerry figured it was his election to win and he is desperate to turn things around. Nice to see that his campaign staff has him stomping around in leather and standing next to a Harley. That Rolling Stone interview leaves no doubt that his vocabulary is up to coal-miner standards. The day’s growth of beard really adds to the image. I hope he has a major campaign stop in San Francisco, maybe he’ll turn up in heels and a feather boa! Unless he dresses that way for lunch, though, he’s off my list. Wesley Clark. Gee, if you get fired from a command position shouldn’t that mean the ultimate command position is not for you? General Clark? But then I probably shouldn’t ask you anything right now because as I understand it you are still trying to figure out what you believe about the primary issues of the campaign. But weren’t you a Republican and didn’t you praise Bush and his team before you decided to take a stab at the Oval Office? Was that another General Clark? Hmmm, at least there are some juicy topics of discussion before the appetizer is even served. A possibility. Joseph Lieberman. This is the guy who puzzles me the most. He seems to be the most sincere and ethical of the bunch. Sometimes he says something that seems radically opposed to what you would expect from him, but mostly he just doesn’t get people too excited. He might make a Jimmy Carterish kind of President, which ought to send a chill right down your backbone. He would probably sincerely take us right into the toilet. Not a very appetizing thought, that. Dick Gephardt. The guy does more flip-flops than a whole bucketful of Bluegills tossed up on the shore. I am not sure if there is a set of core beliefs deep inside or if there is just a place to download the latest opinion poll. I’m afraid he would change his lunch order three times before the waiter escaped and then criticize what he received afterwards. No fun at all. Carol Moseley Braun. She was such a lousy Senator that Illinois voted for a largely conservative Republican white male (Pete Fitzgerald) and booted her out. I can’t figure out what she’s doing in this crowd other than being the token woman. My gut reaction is that she was voted “Most likely to be boring” in her High School yearbook and has succeeded in that one area. No chance! Dennis Kucinich is another wingnut and if I want nuts for dinner I’ll fly American Airlines non- stop to Hawaii instead. I would have to give him points for being so radically opposed to almost anything I am radically for and vice versa. However, one lunch with me is one less chance to have lunch with a potential soul- mate. Dare I come between Dennis and his true Liberal Love? John Edwards is like the rookie quarterback who sits on the bench all year and learns from watching. He never had a chance, but he is getting his name out there and no doubt has hopes that maybe in 2008 or 2012 he can get into the Superbowl. He does seem like a likable guy… but then so did Bill Clinton and look how well THAT turned out! Al Sharpton is an opportunist, a hustler, a man well-named. He would have made a good “card- sharp” and he has a sharp wit as well. In fact, if you put all nine of the candidates into a room, armed only with their wits, and declared that only one could get out alive I would put my money on Al! (I can think of one or two of the candidates who wouldn’t make it out alive even if they went in alone.) I think the dead presidents that reside in one’s wallet are of more interest to him than a Presidency. Right now he’s just grabbing another fifteen minutes of fame while the grabbin’s good. He has as much of a chance of being elected as Barney the purple dinosaur. AND THE WINNERS ARE Choices, choices! The first and obvious choice is Al Sharpton. He would be a blast as a conversationalist. He may not be a serious candidate, but the man is nobody’s fool! If we developed a rapport, he might dish some dirt on the other candidates and we could guffaw over our salads. Wesley Clark is choice two. I would love to play the somewhat ponderous Clark off against slick Al on some policy issues and enjoy the verbiage. But then Sharpton wouldn’t let his hair down. Maybe not. Heck with it! No Clark, and no Sharpton either. I’m only taking one Democrat to lunch. Sorry Al, I’m taking Dennis. Dennis Kucinich could probably incite me to write ten columns in the course of one lunch! Kucinich looks darned skinny to me and it dawned on me, if I’m lunching with a Democrat, I’m getting stuck with the tab AND the tip! ------------ About the author: Kimbal Ross Binder is a husband of one wife and parent of six child units of various sizes. He is a tennis bum, karaoke singer, punster and a reformed liberal who now admires Rush Limbaugh and hates to miss Fox News in the evening. You can pass along plaudits and invectives to: radarbinder@comcast.net Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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