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Sept 13, 2002 When we moved from Florida to Pennsylvania, our children were 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 years old. Michael had lived in Florida since he was one and Daniel had been born there. We had bought a house when we moved to Florida, so that was their house, their world. My husband and I had decided to leave Florida and move back up to cooler climates and to an area that would be close enough to visit family in New York City. We originally started looking at the Pocono/Stroudsburg region of Pennsylvania for distance (only about 80 miles from NYC), price of homes and property tax rates. We had made a pre-house/area hunting trip into a family vacation during the fall so that our kids would not only enjoy the trip, but would have "seeds" planted in their heads about us possibly moving. Not finding what we wanted we returned home and started "looking" by mail and fax with realtors from the Pocono's and further north above Scranton. We always shared any pictures we got with the kids and told them we were looking to move into the mountains. They heard the word moving frequently along with reassurances that they were going and that we would not forget to bring their things with us. When the time came to actually go on a serious house-hunting trip, we left our kids (for the very first time) with my mother while we flew up to Pennsylvania. We gave ourselves one-week to find a job, a house, a day care, and a bank we could do business with. That was enough time, right!? We did not take the kids with us because we would be on a very tight schedule and on the road alot. It would have made the trip much too stressful on us as well as them. Job interviews had been arranged beforehand. We had several house listings already picked out to look at, with realtor appointments set. I had pre-ordered the local phone book from the area we would be looking at a month before we left. I had already set appointments with a couple day-care places to "check them out." One thing you can say about my husband and I, is that we work together extremely well--we got organized before we left and knew what we had to do when we got there. To make a long story short, we both got jobs, we found a house/land, we registered our kids at a day care and picked up all the paperwork we would need completed before we brought them in (i.e. medical forms, etc), we opened up an account at the bank where we would be applying for a mortgage, took the mortgage application with us, found out how to get from point A to point B, and then flew back home. Now what did we do to help our kids deal with a major move? First of all, like I had talked about above, start "planting seeds." By this I mean start talking about moving in a general way, reassure them you will all be together. If you cannot take your kids to the general area you will be moving too, at least show them a map, pictures of the area, etc. We called our kids in the morning, after they woke up, AND in the evening before they went to bed. We had never left them before, but I think it was harder for us then them. They saw it as an adventure---all these "camp-outs" with grandma. Daily phone contact is important and you can let them know what you saw, what you did, and remind them you are looking for a new house for all of you to live in. We took pictures of their new day-care, outside and inside. We took pictures of who their "teacher" would be. We took pictures of the park in town, of the playground equipment. We took pictures of the local McDonald's showing they had a play-place. Naturally, we took pictures of the house and land and pond, but we took pictures of mom & dad in those pictures. We took pictures of their new bedrooms, of all the rooms in the house. We took a picture of the mailbox, where grandma would be sending letters to. Once developed, all these pictures helped them get a picture in their head of where they were going. We started talking about Ms. Becky at the day-care for Michael, and Ms. Linda for Daniel. We wanted their names and faces to be familiar to our children. They got to take some of the pictures to day-care with them in Florida to share with the kids there about where they were going. When we started packing we let them put their toys and stuffed animals in the boxes. They got to save out those special ones that would be going with us in the car. They got to help take down their room decorations, and while we did all this we talked about setting up their new room and how much their stuffed animals would like it there. We did not tape their boxes up right away, but let them go peek inside to make sure everything was still there. We told them they could unpack with us when the boxes got to our new house, so they could make sure all their things got out safely. Once their boxes were packed we gave them colored markers to decorate their boxes with. We wrote their names on the boxes nice and big, and then they went nuts coloring and drawing all over their boxes. Grandma even came over and helped with adding smiley faces and such. We were not taking any of their bedroom furniture, so we looked through catalogs and magazines with them deciding what we might want to buy for their new rooms. This was a big hit, and we would often find them paging through all sorts of magazines and catalogs talking to each other about wanting that or this. This was cool, they were in to it now! When the movers came they watched all the boxes go into the big truck. The movers even let them go check out the truck inside so they could see where their boxes would be for the trip. They seemed to feel better knowing how the things looked in the truck---this must have been a area where they could not put it together in their head without actually seeing it. We waved goodbye to our things and told them we'd see them at the new house. I know this all seems kinda silly, but with small children this is all serious business. A big move which they really cannot fully comprehend, all your things packed away, and your world changing around you can be quite traumatic to little hearts and minds. The road trip itself was hard. Little kids strapped in car seats for what seems like eternity makes everybody cranky. We stopped alot to let them play and release some energy. We even planned some longer play stops (a bit off the highway) at some state parks where we could all unwind for an hour in a very relaxing setting. Having non-sugary snacks and water available is a great help. Keep simple games and toys for them to play with. Have a variety of books to color in as well as books to read. Keep a big supply of wet wipes! You will use them numerous times during the day for an untold number of reasons. Take a tape recorder (kid kind if you have it) for them to listen to kid songs and stories---this can occupy a bit of their time, and they enjoy having their own tape player besides. Have sing-a-longs. Have a silly-word contest. Look for red cars, green trucks, you name it. The time and the drive go so much more smoothly when you have happy, occupied kids!!!! Once at the new house and moving in. Let the kids help carry in (from the car) their things. They can put them in their room. If you have no furniture (like we did while waiting for the moving truck) you can have picnics on the floor, camp-out with all of you in the same room, run and play and just enjoy being there! We took the kids into town where the day care was and let them go in for a tour, meet their teacher and find out where their cubby would be. Since they knew we were coming, the staff already had their names on their cubby! That was extra special for them. We started them slow, letting them stay for a couple hours the first day, then a 1/2 day for a couple days, and then full-time. On those first few short days of day care we took them with us to check out the grocery store, the post office, the drug store, the dollar-store, the bank, the paint/hardware store, and all the other places that would make the move and this town real to them. They could now picture all the places that we would be frequenting for years to come. Kids are pretty resilient, but making them a big part of your family's move makes them feel so much more secure and confident amongst all the scary and foreign new experiences. Do what ever you can to bring the place where you are moving to life for your kids---you'll have a calmer and more relaxed move (if there is such a thing!) for it. ------------ Judy Duncan is an Occupational Therapist, self employed working with infants and toddlers in their homes. She also writes on Epinions.com. Email Judy: djduncan@epix.net Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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