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Aug 11, 2003 I've taken the title of this article from a line in the Ray Stevens song, "The Streak"-a very funny song by a very funny man. Stevens wrote it in 1974 and drew his inspiration from the streaking craze that was going boogity boogity through America at the time. I have in turn drawn my inspiration from Mr. Stevens' song because this week's article addresses a similar topic. No, streaking is not coming back if it was ever in or out of style, except for tennis shoe commercials that take place during soccer games. My article is about the unwillingness of some people, in particular young people, to wear clothes and have bodies that, for the sake of good taste really should be kept covered. I'll give you an example. I work in a library and I am on the schedule every other Saturday. For two Saturdays that I worked in a row, two young ladies sat down at the nearest internet station, so that both my co-worker and I have a clear view of her posterior, leaned way over so that her pants, which were already riding a little too low, slid down even further giving everybody in the reference area a lingering glance at her thong. Now I am not adverse to looking at scantly clad women, including those wearing thongs. However, there are criteria that should really be considered before one even thinks about purchasing such a garment. First of all you know why and where a woman, or a man for that matter, would choose to wear a thong. Places such as the library, the grocery store, church and your son or daughter's PTA meeting should not be among those places and I really hope that you weren't planning the aforementioned activity there. Also you may want to ask yourself if you have the body for a thong or some other such revealing article of clothing. If you are shaped like Ruben Studdard from American Idol then you have no business trying to squeeze your fat butt into a thong. The result would be anything but erotic. It would give the impression of stretching a rubber band around a watermelon. Also, if you are a woman or again a man in some cases, and are very well endowed in the chest region, we're talking Dolly Parton size here, then a halter top may not be for you. This, as with the big butt in the thong, gets away from sexy and gives the impression of two baby elephants fighting in a pillow case. A co-worker of mine has also bid me to mention that the quality of the thong, or similar garment, should be called into question. That a smooth, round pair of peaches would look a great deal better in some butt floss from Victoria Secret and Frederick's of Hollywood than Wal-Mart or Dollar General, which would look more like you started out with a pair of boxers only to have them eaten away as the day progressed. Up till now this article has been mostly addressed to the ladies. For us men, the subject of covering our bodies often times goes back to hair. I don't care how freaky you are, nobody likes to see some guy bent over showing his vertical smile with enough hair to keep Sy Sperling in business from now to doomsday. Any body part that sprouts on the average more than two strands of hair, other than the head and face, should not see the light of day. Body hair is not attractive. I don't give a hoot what the Europeans think, and if it can't be shaved or waxed it needs to be shut away for a very long time.
The way I see it, we have truly reverted
back to a primitive society if we are no longer
willing to remain clothed. Nudity is like a big
bowl of beans. Used sparingly it's a wonderful
thing, but if you overindulge it can only lead
to embarrassment. So go now with the words of
Drew Carry. "The reason that I cover up my body
is because I have respect for my fellow man." As
do I. "So if you don't have a perfect body.
Cover it the hell up!"
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