Dumped

Articles

Holly Winter
Living The Life Of Holly

Dumped
May 2, 2003

Wayne sat on the edge of the couch. No. He wasn’t even trying to hold back his giggles. “HE dumped YOU? I can’t believe it.”

Although we are used to his annoying behaviors, he was really irking Shelby. “Why are you so happy about that?”

He grinned at her. “It isn’t that I’m happy. It’s his loss. Really. I just want to shake his hand.” He took off his baseball cap and banged it against his knee. “I really want to shake his hand.”

Eliza cut in. “Oh. And I hope that one day you can shake the good doctor’s hand, right before he writes you a prescription for that high blood pressure of yours.”

Maria was getting annoyed, too. “Hey. Holly. I think that you need some new X-boyfriends.”

Everyone in the room quieted while Ralph and I let out a cheer. “I’ll start working on that, right away.” I promised.

“Sorry.” She said, tiptoeing past me to start scrubbing the kitchen counters.

Ivan and Walt sauntered in.

“We figured there’d be food.” Ivan said.

Walt was pouting. “When I heard that the women were getting together to lounge, I expected lounging clothes…”

“Yeah.” Shelby said. “Sweats and t-shirts. What’d you think?”

Ralph called from the kitchen. “Holly. I think that the turkey must be done by now.”

Wayne’s laughing bubbled up, again. “Hey. Just for fun, which hospital does he work at? I really want to meet this guy.”

Shelby could take no more. “Why are you gloating? Because she dumped you once? Grow up! I can’t stand it. You are making me crazy. Go home.”

Wayne tried to save himself from Shelby’s wrath. “No. I just want to meet him and see what kind of a loser he is.”

Shelby rose off the couch. “You are the loser. She dumped you. You are awful. Gloating like a little school boy. You are supposed to be her friend. What the hell kind of friend are you? If you could keep a woman, God knows, you wouldn’t be here right now, would you?”

Oh. That did it. Wayne’s smiles were gone. Ralph stepped in and tried a quick fix. Wayne’s tears weren’t fun for anyone. “Hey. She dumped me too. So what. It’s good she got dumped. It’s good for her. I agree with you. But. Let’s not go on and on about it, ok?”

Nope. It wasn’t working.

Fine. I knew what to do.

“Hey. Wayne.”

“What.”

“Guess what?”

“What.”

“He dumped me.” I said flatly, hiding a smile.

That did it. He started laughing again. Shaking and laughing. Holding his sides.

Shelby shook her head. “Oh brother. How did the men find their way here, anyway?”

“Not sure.” I said. “I pointed all the signs in the wrong direction. They found their way here, anyway.”

Ralph filled us in. “Hey. We heard the women were coming over. And we know you like to cook. Woman and food are men magnets.”

“Yeah.” Walt added. “You’re lucky we’re here, and not some other, awful men!”

“Don’t worry.” Kate whispered. “They aren’t staying for dessert.” The woman all started cheering, which made the men uncomfortable. Kate had brought a cake that looked a lot like a certain male body part.

“Foods ready.” Cheryl called from the kitchen. I know. My whole apartment is about the size of a postage stamp. People had to only shift the direction of their seat to serve themselves food and drink.

There was a knock at the door. Everyone froze.

“It must be Mark.” Eliza said.

“Nope. He’s still in Cairo.”

Everyone looked at me as if I had some uninvited guest that they would have to share their food with. Man. Were they tense. Ralph answered the door. In was my neighbor.

“Hey. Could I get a squirt of dishwashing detergent?”

“You bet.”

I grabbed a plate, heaped it with turkey, stuffing and all the fixings, and passed it on to him. As per our arrangement, I squirted some detergent into his hand as he went to leave.

“Hey. I don’t have room for you to stay and visit, we will have to catch up another time.” I said.

“Thanks for being neighborly.”

Ivan was wondering. “Why the Thanksgiving dinner?”

Maria answered. “We are celebrating Holly being single again.”

“Oh. So. That’s a good thing?” Walt asked.

Eliza shook her head. “Doesn’t matter if it is good or bad. It just is. Eat your turkey and be grateful for what you have. Free food.”

Shelby handed me a package. “Here you go. A present.”

“I love presents at Thanksgiving.” I smiled. “Thanks.” I pulled out her old t-shirt squirted in her favorite perfume. I understood immediately, and hugged her. “Thanks so much.”

Each girlfriend had an identical package.

“What are the old shirts for, anyway?” Ralph asked, mouth filled with food.

“She used to wear Darlin-man’s t-shirts to sleep in every night. Now we are her t-shirt suppliers.” Eliza explained.

Ralph peeled off his t-shirt, and added it to the pile. “I can go home this way. Maybe I’ll even meet a girl. Girls like me without clothes.”

The other guys followed suit, except Wayne. We thought it might be best if he washed his t- shirt first.

There was a lot of laughing as we threw the half naked men out of my apartment after dinner. Man. What would the neighbors think?

We settled in for a night of dessert and movies.

“Thelma and Louise. It will get your mind off of men.” Eliza said.

“Great.” I said, doubtfully. “But. Don’t they shoot people and then die in the end?”

“Yeah.” Maria said. “But this movie is just like your relationship with Darlin-man.”

“How’s that?” I asked, searching for the connection.

“It’ll be good while it lasts, and we can stop it before the end.”

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About the author: Holly Winter is a teacher and a writer and a flight attendant living in Denver, Colorado, USA. She can be reached at her website or email: Holly@livingthelifeofholly.com

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