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 Holly Winter Living The Life Of Holly Apr. 26, 2003 “Holly, I have to tell you something. “Kate said quickly. Darren and I broke off our engagement.” “What?” I shouted. Ok. Maybe I was a little loud for the small restaurant we were sitting in. “No. Holly. Really. This is a good thing.” She said, intently. I know. I could read the look on her face. But. This had been a solid three year relationship. They had just gotten engaged and I had recently had breakfast with them where I watched as they both basked in the shine of that big happy ring. But. I could see the look on her face. I could see it. I tried to hide my shock. She repeated herself. “Really. This is a good thing.” “Thank God you broke it off.” I lied. We sipped our tea. I could wait. I had all morning. It was one of those times where my years of special education teaching, where students would yell out all kinds of shocking things, was coming in handy. I had learned a pretty good poker face. Kate was my friend. I could be supportive no matter what. But. Was this going to be one of those examples of a single independent woman who just couldn’t ever settle down? You know. Like me? “There were so many things wrong. So many things.” She started. I waited. “I sent him a letter. I told him that there were eight reasons that I was leaving him.” “Oh. Kate. You don’t have to do that. You don’t have to be that specific.” I said. I know. But. I am kind of an expert on leaving. And. Once you give reasons… they try to squirm their way back in. If you are really done, you just say that you are done. “Well. I was specific. I gave him eight reasons.” “That’s ok. You can do whatever you want to do.” I said. Kate was sixty, he was a bit older. I bet that this was a huge shock for him. He doesn’t like change as it is. “I am done with dating. I am going to be alone for a very long time.” She said, sadly. “Why?” “It takes too much energy to date. I need to put my energy into myself. I seem to date men who are injured and need me. It must be my calling. When it is time for me to date again that’s all I’ll be able to find. Another needy man. I’d rather be alone.” I bristled. “Alone? Why? Let’s just label VETRENARIAN across your forehead and sent each and every injured bird with a broken wing your way. Why waste free therapy when there are all those needy men out there? Come on, Kate. You have been in a long distance relationship for three years. As far as I am concerned, you have been alone. Don’t tell me that you are tired of wasting energy on someone else. If you have been wasting energy on someone else, that is your own fault. You loved him. You know that.” “Yes. I did.” “Don’t act like you have to punish yourself for finding out that he is the wrong person for you. You have known for a long time that there were things wrong. So. Now look for someone with the right things. There is a loss here. There needs to be a time to grieve. But. This isn’t the end. Not at all. “You’re right.” She said. “There were so many things wrong. I kept thinking that I could make them better.” “Yeah. I know. We all think that we can take the worst situations and make them better. Hey. It’s that superwoman in you.” “I know. I have to let that go.” “Well. I don’t know about that.” “You’re confusing me.” “Good. Cause. You have to figure this out for yourself. Girl. I can tell you this. Keep the girlfriends. And. You are an incredible woman. You really are. You just have to remember the parts of yourself that are incredible and then find a man that can deal with them.” “Good point.” She said. We sipped our tea. “He once threw water in my face.” She said, quietly. “What did you do?” “I screamed at him for a week. Then I forgave him. That wasn’t one of the eight reasons.” “Good.” “Good?” She gasped. “Oh. There are much better reasons to leave a man.” “Holly. That’s why I called you. I knew that you could make me feel better.” She laughed as we clinked our tea cups in a toast. About the author: Holly Winter is a teacher and a writer and a flight attendant living in Denver, Colorado, USA. She can be reached at her website or email: Holly@livingthelifeofholly.com ------------ Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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