Easy (Fishy) Money

Articles

Holly Winter
Living The Life Of Holly

Easy (Fishy) Money
July 6, 2003

“Are you sure you didn’t cash a check here three days ago?” The Vice President of the bank asked.

“I’m sure.”

“You didn’t cash a check for five thousand dollars?” He stared hard at me.

I laughed. “Um. Is this the kind of place that lets you cash a check when you don’t have any money in the bank?” I asked. “Because if it is…”

The head teller, Mona, shook her head back and forth in a ‘no way’ fashion.

He cleared his throat. “Are you absolutely certain that you didn’t cash a check for five thousand dollars three days ago?”

I put on my low voice. “I am absolutely certain.”

Maybe I should have dressed for the occasion. I don’t know, heels instead of gym clothes. This quirk had happened last week, too. And Mona was able to reverse it with an apology and a phone call. It wasn’t that big a deal, other than the fact that I was losing faith in my bank.

I had made a hundred dollar deposit, and my bank mistakenly recorded it as a five thousand dollar deposit. I know. That sounds like a good deal, and it might be a nice addition to my measly balance if it weren’t for the fact that they punished me for their mistake by freezing my account because they smelled something fishy. I know. Banks have good noses. Now. If only I could trust their record keeping.

He stared at the screen. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

Man. This guy was quick. I could see why he was in management.

Mona started flipping through computer screens for him. “Look. Last week it says that she made a five thousand dollar deposit. But. She didn’t even come into the bank on that day.”

The VP looked me over again. He figured that I must be lying. Hey. I mean. I like the idea of scamming the bank. I really do. But. If I were somehow skimming, would I be back in there pointing it out to them? Um. No.

He took a deep breath. “Your paycheck is automatically deposited, right?”

“Yes. But I have been on temporary medical leave for the past seven months. So I was finally mailed a check for some of my short term disability money.” I handed him the deposit slip for that transaction several weeks ago.

He continued. “Are your automatic deposits normally for five thousand dollars?”

I laughed. “Um. No. I’m a flight attendant. A great check when I was working full time would’ve been closer to two thousand.”

He didn’t believe me. “I’m going to need to see a pay stub.” He said stubbornly.

Sweet Mona looked like she was about to cry. Hey. It wasn’t her fault. I started wondering if this guy had slept his way into being Vice President. Or maybe he was demoted from something else. I mean. Clueless.

Ok. The fact that I happened to have a pay stub in my purse was purely one of those luck things. Really. I had just faxed it to NY for something totally unrelated. I opened my purse.

He continued. “So. Why don’t you go home and grab that pay stub and bring it in this afternoon, say, around two o’clock. I can see you then.”

Yeah. Like I was going to wait five hours. I pulled out the stub. “Will THIS work for you?”

The head teller and I did an invisible high five.

Ok. His eyes literally bugged out of his head. I had never seen eyes open that wide. It was a good thing they didn’t explode all over my pay stub, that would have been messy.

“Yes.” He said. “This will work, if it’s really a pay stub.”

I know. Could he really be a VP?

So he made some more phone calls and the head cashier flipped him through some more screens while I stood there and watched. Oh well. I’m a little slow when it comes to all things money. What if I HAD figured out the perfect scam? And here I was alerting them to it before I could make any profit.

He robotically shook my hand. “Ms. Winter, we have it all taken care of.” He assured me.

“Oh. Good. I can buy some brown rice.” I sighed.

He looked at the screen. “You sure can.”

He told me my balance. I about fell to the floor I was laughing so hard. They had made a mistake. Rather than simply unfreezing my account, they added the five thousand dollars to it.

“I’m rich!” I yelled. “My prayers have been answered! God loves me, God loves me. God loves me!”

The customers behind me in line were craning their necks to see what grand prize I had won. They couldn’t wait for their turn at the window. I could tell that they wanted the VP to wait on them too.

“Ms. Winter. Please. Would you come with me into the office?” He asked, quietly.

“Yes. Of course.” I giggled.

The two tellers were hanging onto the counter they were laughing so hard. “Girls, lunch may be on me.” I announced as I high fived each of them. I entered the office and sat down. Yeah. Gym clothes. Well. Maybe I could take that five thousand dollars and buy some new fashionable gym clothes for my future bank appointments.

“Ms. Winter. It appears that our main branch has made an error with your account.”

“Really?” I asked, clutching my chest. “I’m not rich?”

He ignored me. “They accidentally put five thousand dollars into your account, rather than simply unfreezing your balance.”

“I really like this bank. I’d never go anywhere else.” I said, mockingly.

He ignored me. “I am going to make some phone calls.”

Yeah. Well. Guess what? Those phone calls didn’t pan out.

“Ms. Winter, I have bad news for you.” He said, gravely. “We will not be able to reverse that five thousand dollar mistake until tomorrow.”

“That’s ok.” I said. “I’m not mad. I’m thinking, Bahamas.”

“May I remind you that that money isn’t yours? It belongs to the bank.”

“I understand.” I said, gravely. “Should I be charging you a holding fee?”

“It doesn’t work that way.” He said, impatiently.

“Will I make a substantial amount of interest in the twenty four hours that you are using my account?” I asked.

“No.” He said, solemnly.

“Then I think it would be best if you just slid the money out of there.” I joked. “You’re messing with my checkbook balance.”

“Ms. Winter. We would be happy to balance your checkbook for you.” He offered.

Yeah. No. I haven’t balanced my checkbook in years. It has been on my list of New Year resolutions forever as the resolution least likely to succeed.

I happily drove home. Rather than balancing my finances, I sent e-mails out to all of my friends to see if anyone was available for an immediate trip to the Bahamas.

I know. But. It would’ve been so good.

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About the author: Holly Winter is a teacher and a writer and a flight attendant living in Denver, Colorado, USA. She can be reached at her website or email: Holly@livingthelifeofholly.com

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