Almost Competant

Articles

Holly Winter
Living The Life Of Holly

Almost Competant
Mar 29, 2003

Waking at three o’clock in the morning thinking that I have an early morning flight to rush off to may be the most infuriating mind game one could possibly suffer from, especially on a day off. When I am home from flight attending, I really need to catch up on my rest.

Today my usually threat wouldn’t work. When I can’t sleep, I tell myself that I am going to force myself to read an entire American History textbook. Usually the thought alone is enough to throw me into a deep slumber. Well this morning it had no effect at all. So. I became brutal with my psyche, which isn’t that difficult to do early in the morning.

I commanded, “Holly, if you don’t return to sleep this instant, then you’re going to the gym.” I waited. Nothing. I continued… “You know how you hate to lift weights…” Um. It didn’t work. Ok. So. I headed out with all the annoyance of a teen refusing to wake for school.

You see. I just joined 24 Hour Fitness thinking that walking through the door would be a rejuvenation in itself. Um. No. I had my personal training sessions with Joey. He was magnificent. He set each machine up just right so I only had to extend or protrude certain body parts, while he did the rest of the work. He even counted my reps. I know. If he weren’t half my age and engaged to lucky Megan, I might consider using his body for pleasure and his mind to help me get in shape. Yeah. So. I thought about it. So what?

But. See. Joey really protected me from the unknown, just as a mommy duck would have watched over her ducklings. He hid my waddle from the world. And. He was very kind as I fought doing pull-ups (which have nothing at all to do with the diapers.) with every ounce of un-muscle that I could muster up. I am positive that this move was invented to make women look bad. And. When it comes to pull-ups, I did bad well.

When my sessions were over, Joey suggested that I continue on for fifty dollars an hour. No. Thanks. Fifty an hour? I didn’t need him. I paid attention. He was doubtful.

“Ok.” He said, handing me the clipboard. “Show me where these machines are.”

“No problem.” I picked up the clipboard and wondered if he gave me the wrong form. “Um. Did we even do leg extensions?” I asked.

“Yes.” He nodded, eyebrows up, mouth turned down.

“Oh. Ok. Well. Um. Maybe it is this one.” I started pointing at random machines like a kid faced with a letter in the alphabet that he has never seen before. Sooner or later I would have to find the right machine.

So. Today was my first day without Joey. I was way too optimistic. I mean. I was able to find the machines by myself. I know. Finding the machines wasn’t the goal. I set up my first machine. Leg extensions. This was the machine that Joey had shown me twice. Ok. Seat adjustments set for two and eight. I set the weights to thirty, ignoring the last person’s one hundred fifty.

Ok. I was ready to go. Only. I couldn’t remember what to do. I mean. Where do you put your legs? I started reading the directions. And. Tattooed Muscle-Man came over and reset the machine for me. I had mixed up the two and the eight. He showed me where to put my legs. When he reset the weight to twenty pounds I thought he was going a bit too far. I mean. Who did he think he was? (No. I kept it there.)

I started lifting. Slowly. Carefully. Just as Joey had instructed. I did my twelve reps easily. Then rested. Did my second set of twelve. Um. My legs were hurting. Really hurting. I stood up to see if I could still stand. I couldn’t. So. I sat down and did my last reps than crawled to the next machine.

I set weights. I fixed the seats. And. For the next machine, I hit a huge milestone. I found that I was able to do my reps without counting out loud. I know. No small thing when you can’t even breath.

Since I didn’t see Joey spying on me, I thought that it might be best to cut my workout short while I could still leave the gym without oxygen. I was pretty proud of myself and was sure that I must have been at least ten pounds lighter. You know. From losing the weight of worrying about looking foolish. Now that I knew that I was going to look foolish, I could stop worrying about it. What a huge relief that was going to be for me.

On the way out the door I threw Tattooed Muscle- man’s business card away. I can’t imagine that I’m going to need a mortgage any time soon.

Now. If I could only find my gym id. I am going to need it for my next visit. I know that I had it when I walked in....

About the author: Holly Winter is a teacher and a writer and a flight attendant living in Denver, Colorado, USA. She can be reached at her website or email: Holly@livingthelifeofholly.com

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