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Oct 3, 2003 There’s a bumper sticker I see every so often: “Every Mom is a Working Mom.” I agree. But I still think there is a great divide between working mothers and stay-at-home moms. Sometimes they envy each other, sometimes they hate each other. Personally, I feel sorry for both. I’m not a mom at all. Nor do I want to be. But I see moms who are doing the best they can; mothers who have professional jobs who have mothers-in-law who help raise the kids and single moms who are struggling to pay private school tuition. And for the mothers who are working low-paying jobs, who don’t seem to get any help at all, I feel sorry for them the most. A two-parent family is ideally the best way to go when raising kids, provided both parents are doing their share. The stay-at-home moms I worry about for different reasons. At first, life looks pretty good for them. They don’t have to deal with corporate politics, crummy bosses, overtime (with or without pay) worrying about day care or who will pick up the kids. While the kids are in school, they themselves can go to school, or pursue a hobby or hook up with other stay-at-home moms and talk about parenting issues. It would be great if every mom who wanted to stay home with her kids could actually do that. However, some stay-at-home moms feel resented because of their decision. I don’t think it’s so much the decision to stay at home that bothers people; I think it’s the ability to do so that inspires jealousy among the working mothers. Whenever I hear the term, “stay-at-home mom,” I automatically think, “rich husband.” I probably shouldn’t assume this. There are probably lots of stay-at-home moms out there whose husbands are making average money; the family is probably scrimping in order to make it. These are the households without cable TV, or a new vehicle, or a new house. I think the resentment towards stay-at-home moms is aimed towards the yuppie types, the ones who do in fact have rich husbands, the nice cars, the nice homes, the luxuries, and have the gall to flaunt it. It’s a little hypocritical to do this, because in most cases, it’s the husband’s salary that’s enabling the stay-at-home mom to drive her late model SUV and pursue whatever interests she has time for after taking care of junior. These women are probably the first to turn their nose up at welfare mothers; they probably roll their eyes in disgust when they are behind someone pulling out a food stamp booklet. But think about it: both women are being supported by men; one by Uncle Sam, the other by her husband. I don’t have to point out which option is more fashionable (and acceptable). So if both men say, “enough is enough, get a ‘real’ job,” which one is in a better position to actually support herself? It’s probably the wife of the wealthy (or upper middle class) husband, because more often than not, she’ll have some education to get her foot in the door of employment. Or else she’ll have contacts that might be able to help her get not “just” a job, but a position that she has some ability for and is actually interesting. The welfare mother will probably end up with a backbreaking, low-paying job that won’t support herself and her children. So if you are a stay-at-home mom reading this, stop and realize that you are lucky. Also realize that it might not last. There are plenty of women who wanted nothing more than to be a good mom and housewife. The only problem with this is that if your employer (i.e., your husband) decides to fire you for a younger model, then what? The world of work, that’s what. Unfair? Yes. But it happens. As far as I know, there’s no one selling rejected stay-at-home mom insurance. Personally, I think society should place a greater emphasis on raising children and keeping a home than making a buck. But this is the United States. Taking care of people is not a priority here. So to the stay-at-home moms, I say, “enjoy it while it lasts.” Your kids will eventually grow up. Your husband might leave you, or you might leave your husband. (Half of marriages in the U.S. don’t last, remember?) There is a chance you might end up as a single working mom. So enjoy staying at home, but please don’t flaunt it or make working mothers feel more guilty and stressed out than they already are. A few years from now, it might be you on the other side of the fence that divides working moms from the stay-at-home variety. And the grass sure won’t be greener. ------------ About the author: Gloria Diaz is an opinionated citizen of Generation X (member since 1967) who occupies herself by dabbling in photography, writing and as a written communications processing specialist for the government. She has written for several diverse publications including Scram, Spleen, The Fort Wayne Free Press, and for the Huntington County TAB. Email Gloria Diaz: Scoop5767@aol.com Comment on this column in the forum. Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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