Sometimes it pays to be morose, abnormal as this emotion is for the Right. The usual conservative template goes like such: the world is fine as it is; a complaint in the guise of “something new” bubbles up; we see that what appears to be new is in fact old; we shoot this assessment around with an appropriate conclusion; and, once the veneer of the “new” has been exposed, we congratulate ourselves for seeing through that kind of sizzle, head to the couch, and fall asleep. Or turn on the entertainment center.

This primal myth of conservatism – fending off troublemaking that assumes the guise of “progress” – is precisely the base for the standard liberal insults directed our way: stupid; complacent; unthinking; stuck in the past; lazy, even. All of them involve turning “thin” into “scrawny,” writ large.

The idea that true progress only comes from barging into unoccupied territory and trying to squat there is, of course, Ricardian in thrust. To the first pioneer goes the best land, so if you want the best slice of a countryside, you have to pick up stakes and shove off to unowned land. At heart, this method is Nietzschean, but it meshes easily with the liberal mindset. That’s why conservatives with a Nietzschean soul tend to be easily mis-identified as liberal.

The option traditionally associated with conservatism, on the other hand, consists of seeing undeveloped land as submarginal. People that chase after “new horizons” by going out into moose pasture are impelled by a desire to be the top dog of the town: they tend to think themselves as comparable to the local ruling class. It is held as gospel among right wingers that, in a large majority of such cases, this opinion is based upon little more than grandiosity.

“It is better to stick with one’s own land and develop it to the fullest; such is the normal means of progress. Instead of letting your imagination be captured by the lucky few, cast your eyes around. Most of the people you consider admirable started off in a normal parcel of land like the one you have. Through good habits and prudence, they rose up slowly to reach the hills of success, as should you. Before deciding to strike out on what appear to be paths anew, take a look at this statistical study.” [Like the one that shows that entertainers have, on average, one of the lowest income level of any occupation. They’re no strangers to welfare.]

The paragraph above is what makes liberals retch. What they see in the above is: Save your pennies; find a job as quickly as you can; don’t quit your job except to take a higher-paying one; take full advantage of the retirement-savings income tax deduction; don’t take a flyer on the stock market; live an orderly life and you will be successful too, as is normal for normal people that follow this life plan.

There is, of course, a conservative-pioneer element in the Right, but they tend to play off against the more normal, Toryish strain. In addition to taking the above counsel for prudence to heart before flying away, they also see any failures on their part as confirmation of the fundamental wisdom of the slow-and-thorough approach. Robert A. Heinlein was bang-on when he said (through one of his protagonists) that the Glory Road is full of rocks, which is a tip-off that the “Road of Heroes” is largely a glamorization of the Road to Nowhere.

I first heard that phrase – not through Steppenwolf, but from a close friend in high school; he said I was going down it. He actually was right. Going down the lonely road of the pioneer not only means that you shoulder responsibilities that most of your age-seniors hand off to others as a matter of course, but also makes the normal way of requesting help – complaining – ineffectual. You also become very used to disappointment, and the course of this lifestyle also takes a toll on your social skills. This is what the person who desires to found a city in the wasteland is in for; the fate of the higher man is a higher level of pain, taken without complaint. You want the first, you get the second.

We all know what the good boy faces in everyday life, particularly during the teenage years. Never mind that the solid sort of fellow is actually better at implementation during tumultuous times; when things are easy, all they see is themselves being taken for granted. If you’ve ever heard “I like you, but I like you as a friend,” or “If you join us in the party circuit, that means we can no longer count on you,” then you’ve found this out the hard way.

If so, then I have a surprise for you that I discovered when doing research for a novel: there’s help from France. What’s considered to be the path of the good boy is central to one of their two ancient and even noble philosophies: Cartesianism.

Réné Descartes’ handbook, Discourse on Method, is well known for the postulate “I Think, Therefore I Am,” which appears at the beginning of the fourth part. But what precedes this is Descartes’ self-presentation of a life that is far from the stereotype of “Momma’s Good Boy.” Saying that school was stifling, he presents his philosophy as the product of hard-won experience, including service in the army. A bit of a surprise for a man who presents this four-step guide to both clarity in thinking and the source of personal success:

1. Obey the laws and customs of whatever land you’re in scrupulously;
2. Stick to the method that works (or works for you as a person) flawlessly;
3. Never stop adjusting your desires (usually downwards) to match your means;
4. Consecrate your life to reason.

Not much of a philosophy for a man, eh? Then why did this guy learn it in the real world?

I will grant that there are many Americans who would consider this saccharine; two of them were Henry Beard and Doug Kenney of “The Harvard Lampoon” – see p. 81 of the paperback edition of Bored of the Rings for the satirization. Undoubtedly, P.J. O’Rourke would not approve either.

But I myself can say, through my own experience, that the use of such principles makes it easier to be a cosmopolite, unless you like bragging about being thrown out of strange towns. This is one of the social rewards of being predictable: your vistas are wider because fewer people will see you as a threat. The regular type of wiseacre can visit any place where tourists are accepted, but someone practicing the above principles can actually fit in as a resident of a strange land.

If you hew faithfully to the principles of right and carefully avoid the pitfalls of wrong, this French thinker is made for you: he’ll turn you from the guy that’s taken for granted into a quiet guardian of Reason.

As well as someone that understands that French thought contains far more than peace creepery and unsolicited advice!

[Just one note. Cartesians tend to be verbally assertive, usually for the listener’s own good. If you can stand it – or even better, thrive on it - you’ll find it relatively easy to fit into their group. And yes, the Cartesians are the source for a lot of that unsolicited advice.]