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Mar 31, 2004 John Kerry, at some fundraiser in Hollywood, said that the qualifications for being a Republican were to be "a nincompoop, a chicken, and a liar" Now, of course, this gets my blood boiling as I am a loyal member of the GOP and consider myself none of those things(but who does?). Maybe I am missing out, maybe I was supposed to be those things and no one told me when I joined the party. Well, this got me to thinking. What are the requirements for being a democrat? Well I could be mean and sarcastic and say that one only need by a drug addled ex hippy who thinks that everyone who disagrees with them has the IQ of a tree branch. But that wouldn't be sarcastic. It would be a factual representation of the democratic party as it exsists today.But no, I guess I will be serious and honestly list the qualifications for being a good liberal. This will be a short column by the way. rhipe] ag'phiaagrfkjd'agraehpgreiohtgrlgnfdlkhgfnklfcnvfd bknckzbnvcklbnfd'zjgrpaJIEJHklRGIPFBJHKFDLGNodfhbk zcvbn'zdfhgdfzhndhjerIHNJ"LDFGHPFHJrNHIPJHBF'kczln bklnklfbniozdfjhnKLDFGHIREGHFKLDNGBDIP"JHIPRDJier' ....oops sorry, I passed out from boredom and my face hit the keyboard when I started to think about the deomcrats. Ok back to work(if only I got paid for these things) Rule #1: No new ideas. Let's face it liberalism is a spent force intellectually. All ideas must include an expanded role for the federal government. This of course means higher taxes and more invasive regulations. Rule #2: Be against private enterprise. Yeah, yeah I know that there are supposed to be new democrats out there somewhere. Personally I haven't seen them. Now I am not saying democrats are communists, far from it, its just that they are so wrapped up in mind numbing populist rhetoric that they end up supporting things that hurt the economy. You know, the fad this year: punish companies that open up facilities in poor nations. Rule#3: Never answer a direct question. You, as a liberal, can't be caught in inconsistencies. After all how can the democrats be the party of the poor, and be in favor attacking businesses that provide employment. Be the party of womens rights but be angry when misogynist governments in Afghanistan and Iraq are toppled. Rule#4: Be a good unilateralist. That is unless a democrat is actually in the White House. Otherwise demand that the UN have a say in everything and denounce politicians that ignore them as dangerous, and arrogant. Rule#5:When all else fails, scream racism! This means that no one will hear what you are saying and contradict you. The more you can attack your opponents ad hominem, the more your arguments will be ignored and the less likely you will be contradicted. That's it, 5 easy rules. ------------ Email Craig Chamberlain: craig_chamberlain@hotmail.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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