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Feb 3, 2004 For those of you who have been in a coma over the last day after the Patriots beat my beloved Panthers, let me bring you abreast of a conspiracy that's threatening to make executives of the entire entertainment industry look like boobs. It seems as if Justin Timberlake's last lyric in his song, "Rock Your Body" was the cue to denude the right mammary gland of one Janet Jackson. He then went on to bust a move by removing a portion of Jackson's bodice for the entire world to marvel. I use the word 'marvel' loosely--I mean, she had, according to a media person, a "pasty" on her nipple. The broadcast went tits-up after that, switching immediately to another multimillion dollar commercial. In an attempt to breast the storm of protest, Timberlake called the 'incident' a "wardrobe malfunction". What a boob! What does he mean by that? Was the wardrobe created by Industrial Light and Magic? Was it supposed to morph like a "Terminator" robot? I mean, come on! Did Bill Clinton coach him on that? "Hey, honestly, Hillary, my trouser zipper being down was a wardrobe malfunction..." I'm sure MTV, who directed the halftime show, bosomed the idea of shocking and aweing a few million viewers with Janet's anatomical gift. But in a knocker-out-your-seat move, they too apologized and claimed it was unscripted. Who do you believe? The look of horror on Janet's face, and the look of adolescent triumph on Timberlake's? The tit-for-tat apologies from everyone but the Pope for exposing network TV to Janet's jug? Wow, not only do inquiring minds want to know, but you wouldn't have believed this story if it WAS on the front page of the "Enquirer", now would you? But I'm sure CBS, Paul Tagliabue and other executives desire to make a clean breast of it and move on from this incident. I'll bet MTV's future requests to produce anything on primetime network will be met with a reception as cold as a witch's tit. ------------ About the author: Chuck Tyler is a freelance writer and journalist based in South Bend, Indiana. His credits include coverage for the South Bend Tribune (www.SouthBendTribune.com) of a triple homicide trial and a town hall meeting of concerned citizens and local officials for the Herald-Palladium (www.HeraldPalladium.com) following 9/11. Email him at: tyler_1420@yahoo.com Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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