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Jan 12, 2004 Debates. They are capable of bringing out the best or worst in a person, can’t they? Well, yesterday in Iowa, I was privileged to see the best and worst of the Democrat candidates as I was part of the audience of the Brown and Black Coalition Presidential Forum in Des Moines on Sunday, 11 January. I saw North Carolina Senator John Edwards rise above the fray and attempt to dissuade his competitors to stop sniping amongst themselves and focus on the real “enemy”—George Bush. Conversely, I saw the Reverend Al Sharpton delve into the depths of the dastardly and challenge former Vermont Governor Howard Dean’s hiring practices while in Montpelier, after making a derisive remark on what took the moderators so long to allow him to speak in the debate. Later, after the debate, Dean and Sharpton could be seen huddling in the corner of the Polk County Convention Center, probably clearing up any discrepancies that were exposed on the stage. Ohio Representative Dennis Kucinich was witty; he asserted that Bush’s Mars mission was to find the WMD that weren’t in evidence in Iraq, while Massachusetts Senator John Kerry “worked a long time,” according to Connecticut Senator Joseph Lieberman, on the line, “your question lasted longer than Brittany Spears’ wedding.” Well, Lieberman deserved it: his convoluted, speech- like question about “standing together to prevent another Florida” lost me, the audience, and probably some caucus support for Yoda, er, I mean Lieberman. I’m bored with the debates, to be honest with you. So, I play a little game in my head to liven it up for me. I can see Lieberman as Yoda, can’t you? “Lieberman, I am…your President, I desire to be.” Kerry the Kadaver is my moniker to the Massachusetts senator. Well, doesn’t he look dead to YOU? Kucinich the Hobbit. ‘Nuff said. And Gephardt the pimp—have you heard his stump speech? His lesbian daughter, his son almost dying shortly after birth, yada, yada, yada; his trials and tribulations put Job to shame. And shame on Gephardt for pimping his family’s pains for political gain. Did you know that Edwards’ son died in a car accident? Not unless you’ve read his book. Or worked on his campaign. And I’ve done both. If you’ve watched one debate, you’ve apparently watched them all, because if I hear the phrase, “I want to take the ‘Men Only’ sign off the White House door”, a la former ambassador and Senator Carol Moseley-Braun, one mo’ ‘gin, I’m gonna scream. And, speaking of lines, I even notice candidates co-opting lines from each other, based on post-debate analyses from prior debates For example, pundits applauded John Edwards’ frank admission that he’s ready for the fight against Bush in November. Well, Missouri Congressman Dick Gephardt’s handlers read those reviews and weren’t going to be one-upped this debate; his “Mortal Kombat”-like finishing move on Sunday was to pugnaciously tell Bush to “bring it on.” Oh, and shouldn’t career politicians understand how to confine answers to time constraints? Yes, I’m a Democrat. Yes, these are the Democrat candidates for the party nomination to push Bush out the White House door in 2004. But that doesn’t mean they’re sacrosanct; I’m gonna poke fun at their folly. It’s one of the joys of living in America, isn’t it? ------------ About the author: Chuck Tyler is a freelance writer and journalist based in South Bend, Indiana. His credits include coverage for the South Bend Tribune (www.SouthBendTribune.com) of a triple homicide trial and a town hall meeting of concerned citizens and local officials for the Herald-Palladium (www.HeraldPalladium.com) following 9/11. Email him at: tyler_1420@yahoo.com Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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