The Creed

Articles

Chris Falcon

The Creed
Oct 15, 2003

"Remember the creed, Chris," my cousin, Jeannie said to me. "Men suck."

"Yeah, well, after tonight, I need to make an amendment to the creed," I say in return.

My cousin Jeannie has hung onto a bad marriage for years. Know why?

Because I told her how hard it was when my husband met someone else. I had a 4-year-old and a 5-year-old. I kept saying if your husband is ever having an affair...forgive him..don't throw him out, like I did.

Years later, I found out she was taking my advice and hanging on by white knuckles while her husband enjoyed his job a lot...sometimes coming home at 6 a.m...very, very quietly.

So here we are, years later...each of us dropping our kids off at the respective homes of our ex's girlfriend's houses...where our ex's are now so happy and carefree with their new lovers.

Just what we always wanted. Pain. Heartache. Heartache and our ex's happiness. What a mix.

Anyway...now she and I are dating..and laughing late at night as we share our experiences.

Today I had one of those days when I am swearing off men. Not their fault. It's me. Today I misread some cues.

I am very good at misreading cues lately. except I am amending the creed a bit.

"Jeannie, I hope this does not offend women- kind," I say..."But I want to amend the creed."

"No. The creed stays the same. Men suck.Always. Just keep repeating it to yourself. Then you won't get hurt."

"I got my hopes up again," I admit.

"Chris, the creed, the creed," she reprimands.

"Well, anyway, I thought this guy liked me today. Then he introduces me to his wife. So YEAH he liked me. AS IN A NICE SOCCER MOTHER ..AS IN HERE HONEY, YOU OUGHT TO MEET HER, THE NICE COACH BECAUSE SHE IS SO FUNNY AND NICE AND GOOD TO THE KIDS."

"Chris, the creed. Men suck. Just keep repeating it."

"Well, that is why I say I have to amend the creed. I mean there's nothing WRONG with him..he didn't suck! He was fine. Nice even. The amended version for my particular type of single-illness is: remember: expect nothing. expect nothing."

"'Expect nothing?' that's okay. That works. Okay, you can have an amended creed."

"I need to get out of denial or face it..dating is fun. But I think I want to be with one person," I admit, ashamed.

"So? That's okay. Just remember the creed."

"Well, anyway..tonight I was at a cafe...and I saw my boss there...sitting next to someone who is one of MY sources for the newspaper...He is super hot..so I was repeating the creed..and based on the creed...I was trying to avoid my gravitational pull toward him and so I spoke to my boss instead of to the super hot guy who is from scotland."

"And, there I was thinking...o boy don't you want to die for the looks of those eyes and the sound of that accent but telling myself, Chris, you have to pretend he is a regular guy lest everyone know you could faint over his looks and accent like every other woman in the room."

"And?" she prompts me. "What did you do?"

"Oh, well I did something from another planet..really..I didn't even recognize myself... I actually put up my hand like a cop directing traffic to stop him from talking. Yup. I did. And my boss looked at me like I was from Mars."

"Then she laughed, obviously realizing I was nervous over cute guy. So silently repeat the creed and turn to leave."

"Without saying anything?"

"Yeah, well, I tried to leave..but he came after me to talk and he says do you have a pen? And I open my purse and pull out an eyeliner pencil so I laugh to cover my embarassment and I then pull out another one so I joke and ask if he would like the second eyeliner pencil and he says o and here I thought you were the naturally beautiful type and now I find out you wear makeup ...."

"And I become stumped over the flirty nature of his comment and his big smile into my eyes and I turn to butter and pull out a battery and hand it to him wondering why the earth does not swallow me up as I am pleading it to because I am acting dumber by the second due to his brown twinkling eyes and his lilting voice as he flirts with me."

Jeannie is laughing and prompting me to go on.

"So the boss comes over and says right out loud, so you are handing the hottie a battery?"

"And I want to die from the battery and the comment so guess what I do?"

Muffled laughter from the other end of the phone.

"I say o nice to see you both and goodbye. And I walk away. And then I turn and see they have both been squinting at me as I walk away.

"I don't know why the earth didnt' swallow me as I commanded it to, but instead I walked to my red rented car and repeated the creed..expect nothing expect nothing expect nothing."

"Please excuse me for changing the creed a bit, but as you see I need to get through my head not so much the part about how they suck but the part about how I have no business really thinking about them to begin with."

Jeannie insists I will be fine.

"Just remember," she says, before she hangs up, "the creed."

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About the author: Chrissa Falcon is a newspaper reporter in the New York Metropolitan Area. Chrissa may be reached at ChrisFalconColumn@hotmail.com

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