Driving in Italy

Articles

Brooks A. Mick

Driving in Italy
Nov 18, 2003

Mick's Rules for Driving in Italy:

1) All roads do, indeed, lead to Rome.

2) All roads also lead to Milano, Genoa, Pisa, Firenze, and everywhere else.

3) All roads lead back to where you just came from.

4) No roads lead to where you want to go.

5) If, by a miracle, you do spot a road sign pointing to where you want to go, you are in the wrong lane to turn onto the road it indicates.

6) By the time you turn around and come back, someone has moved the sign.

7) If, by an even greater miracle, you do turn onto a road which says it is going where you want to go, the chance that you will ever see another sign indicating that you are headed the right way approaches zero.

8) The chance of a road which says it leads to Livorno actually getting you to Livorno is only 10%.

9) If you turn onto a road with a sign saying it leads to Livorno, you are just as likely to end up in Firenze or Pisa as you are to get to Livorno. You are even more likely to end up in Rome.

10) At a given intersection, whether you turn right, left, go straight, or turn around, you are equally likely to end up where you want to go. You are also equally likely to end up back where you start.

11) Getting there is 99% of the fun. It better be, because you may never get where you want to go. Learn to enjoy where you are or where you end up, even it is not your destination.

12) If you see a sign saying “centro,” do not follow that road. You will end up in the middle of a town (which town is never certain, as the signs don’t say), squeezing your way slowly down tiny streets, and you will be surrounded by thousands of cars and millions of motorcycles, all looking for a nonexistent parking place. You may never find your way out.

------------

About the author: 62-yr-old physician, still practicing, retired from 41 years intermittent military service as of June 1, 2003. Just write for the fun of it. Currently writing a novel. Email Brooks A. Mick: brooks15@cox.net

Comment on this column in the forum.
------------