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Mar 21, 2003 Although the day I found out I was going to have a baby was truly a joyous one, on our way to the hospital to deliver, I burst into tears. I had read so many things about early motherhood, and not a one of them sounded like any fun. I became extremely anxious, nervous and I started feeling like I wanted to die. Most postpartum depression doesn’t begin until about three weeks after the baby comes and can continue for a couple of months. Mine started on the way to the hospital and lasted for about four months. Some mothers experience the baby blues. These were no baby blues. My mind was a mixture of jumbled up confusing emotions and ideas. I didn’t want to leave my baby alone with anyone else, yet I didn’t really want to be around anyone except myself. And of coarse, having a new baby means friends and family come to visit. Everyone said it would pass soon enough, but after everyone had come and gone, I began to think things I never would have imagined. I started to doubt whether or not I really liked that little eight pound pooper who only cried and whaled whenever he needed something. On top of the usual adjustments, my little guy had a serious case of colic! It didn’t seem like it was ever going to get better. The worst part: I didn’t feel like I loved him. I had this image in my mind that he would come into the world, I would glance at him once and fall in love with him immediately. I didn’t feel that I was living up to that nurturing mother image that I hoped I would. I came down really hard on myself which didn’t help my situation at all. I’ve since learned that babies are just like any other person, you don’t fall in love the first day you meet. Well, you can, but it doesn’t always happen that way, and this too, is perfectly okay. I never got so bad that I looked at my child and wanted to hurt him or myself, but I did look at him and think, I don’t wonder why some mother’s loose their minds and harm their children. During my pregnancy, Dora Yates, the infamous mother in Houston had just killed her five children because of PPD. I sat in awe staring at this woman thinking ... how could she? Now, a few months later, it all made perfect sense to me. Having an understanding for this woman scared me too, and I knew I was not in my right state of mind. The good news: It does end, and it does get better. Looking back, it wasn’t so bad after all, and I’d do it all over again, for the love I have for my son is far greater than I ever envisioned. Some facts on PPD: (obtained from South Florida Parenting Magazine) - PPD affects 80 percent of all new mothers, and of every 1,000 mothers, two or three might actually require hospitalization. - It can last between a few days of mild sadness or baby blues to a few months of full-blown psychosis. - The physical aspects of PPD include the following symptoms: tearfulness, insomnia, panic attacks, mood swings, and mental confusion. More serious cases include symptoms such as delusions, auditory hallucinations, or extreme mood swings. - Women who have a personal or family history of depression are at higher risk, but anyone can develop a problem with PPD. - It happens because immediately after childbirth, estrogen, progesterone, thyroid and pituitary function levels plummet. In addition, women lose blood and body fluids during birth. All of this causes an unbalanced brain chemistry that lowers the supply of brain opiates which help us to feel optimism called endorphins. - Factors for depression vary to include difficult labor, premature delivery, a history of severe PMS, low self-esteem, an unwanted pregnancy, and lack of social support. Even adoptive mothers can suffer a form of PPD. - If you feel like you want to hurt yourself or your child, seek help immediately. Call a friend or a doctor. This is an illness which can be treated. About the author: Brooke Hadley currently writes freelance feature articles and has six years of professional writing experience. She has recently been published in Mystic, CT, Los Angeles, CA, and Austin, TX. She currently lives in Austin with her new hubby and their son, Skylar Austin. Email Brooke Hadley: PersistentGerl@hotmail.com. ------------ Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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