The way to win a presidential election in the wonderful United States of America is a reasonably easy task provided you can complete a few simple steps. In order to win, one must get the nomination from one of the two major political powers (correct me if I am wrong, but I don't believe that the Green party has ever had a candidate elected into the Presidency) please the majority, get a few rich sponsors (for campaign funding), and good looks never hurts.

The nomination is up to you. If you would like my advice though, run with the party that seems most likely to nominate you (your beliefs should have absolutely no impact on this decision. If you are using this method, you will be a one term president, besides, politicians never do as they say).

After enough millionaires and billionaires have heard your message, you are likely to acquire a few sponsors. Use the cash they donate to make those signs, bumper stickers, and corny "political messages." If you have enough money left over try a snip here and a tuck there and voila! you have the perfect political candidate.

So now you are the president of the almighty and great United States of America, good job. Buy yourself a good meal and hang on; it's going to be a rough ride. I mentioned earlier something to the effect of 'politicians never do as they say,' and true to that statement, you will not do as you say. You will however be a great, one term, president. I must explain that what will be done will be rash but beneficial. There are a few things that must be done in order to maintain "smooth sailing" during your four years. You need a good cabinet, the Michael Savage doctrine, and a strong sense of self.

You already have wealthy corporate donors, right? So you should hire somebody to find you a good cabinet. If that is not possible, collect a former vice-president, two former high ranking officers from different branches of the military, a good accountant, and a few talented friends.

On to Michael Savage. Mike is a conservative talk show host out of San Francisco. The only reason that I included him was for this phrase that he is constantly repeating on his nationally syndicated radio show, "The Savage Nation." That ever truthful phrase is, "Borders, Language, and Culture." That group of words is so inspiring because those are the three things that this country needs to protect, and that is how you are going to run your presidency.

In order to fund this protection, one could add a 1% National Protection tax to all purchases. This means from $.01 to a few dollars extra on everything that you buy. This would generate millions in a short period of time. Now you have money.

Now you protect the borders by "beefing up" the border patrol. You use the newly generated monies to hire and train more patrolmen. Also the purchase and training of dogs to sniff for drugs and restrain illegal aliens may be necessary. The government would also need to purchase vehicles and weapons.

Protecting our language is much cheaper and easier. Firstly, if you want to vote, you need to be able to read the English voter registration card. We could save money by printing them in one language. Street signs need to only be in English. I know what some of you are thinking, "But they are only printed in English," WRONG! Sometimes in certain neighborhoods, they are printed in Spanish, Asian languages, and who knows what others.

I'll leave the protection of our culture and the rest up to you, a president does need a little intellegence of his own.

For those of you who have decided to use my system, i bid you good luck. To those of you who think that I have no clue what I am talking about, who knows, I could be wrong.

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About the author: Anthony Cannella is a student in Houston, Texas. He enjoys talk radio, hard rock, and his girlfriend. Email Anthony R. Cannella: cann1245@yahoo.com

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