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Sept. 30, 2004 The results of living till middle age can be tough. Everything changes. In a woman, in particular, the body goes through a drastic change during menopause. What you once thought of as natural is remote. In a marriage, time changes the dynamics of a relationship. Expectations can be lowered or raised, depending upon your outlook on the future. In my life, so much as changed in these "middle" years. My parents became ill and I understood the conflicts of becoming the sandwich generation. I had to raise my teenagers while I cared for parents in a nursing home--all the while, holding a full time job and going to college. My marriage of many years withstood the test of time, but felt stagnant. I grew, but he did not. Nonetheless, my commitment to marriage endured and still does endure over almost 4 decades. The romance and physical enjoyment has waned but a new kind of attachment grew in the dust. My sons are now grown and I am feeling the effects of having no daughter(s). It was a cruel hoax played on me in my fertile years. When I was able to have more children, there was never enough money. When there was finally money, there was no energy to adopt and start all over with babysitters, etc. Even though I wish I could say that my daughter- in-laws were just like daughters, I'd be lying. The mystique about mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship has a distinct element of truth. My sons were good kids and have made even better husbands--but with no thanks to me or my husband. I give and give to my adult children and get nothing in return. How can that be I wonder? Are my expectations too high? I waited years to be a grandparent and one son honored me with a grandson some weeks ago. I had envisioned being a wonderful grandma even though the opportunity would be slim being over 250 miles away. Nonetheless, I was hopeful. Once again, changes came about in this relationship. My daughter-in-law began to make strict rules on what I could do and say in her present. My grandson became collateral. What happens to us in our lives and have we no control over changes? ------------ About the author Beverly Stern: I have a B.S. in Behavioral and Social Science and a M.S. in Clinical Community Counseling. Email: bstern101@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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