Hello! Florida! You All Still There?

Articles

Hello! Florida! You All Still There?

By Michael John McCrae
Sept. 29, 2004

It’s time to give it back. Mother Nature wants Florida so bad, she can have it! It is time to move the State of Florida to New Mexico.

That poor, poor state! Ivan, Charlie, Frances, Jeanne and now Xavier! (Just Kidding gang!) President Bush can’t get any campaigning done because of all the disastrous disasters smashing into Florida!

I think it is time to declare the entire state protected wetlands (since it is mostly under water right now anyway) and move out! Let the birds, the bees, the snakes and the gators have the place. We’ll just visit when we know there are no pending category three’s frothing around out in the Atlantic.

While we’re at it, we should give Granada, Haiti and the Dominican Republic back to Mother Nature too. Every year those poor folks rebuild their homes on those flood-prone river banks, and every year a thousand or so of those poor hovels end up in the hurricane-churned sea.

I told you that the Democrats would try to blame Bush for all this natural disaster type stuff too. Mother Nature is punishing the Bush clan for their suggestions about drilling in ANWR and for backing away from the Kyoto Protocol. “It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature!”

But, what did those poor Floridians do to bring such calamity upon themselves? Is it their punishment for not counting hanging chads properly or quickly? Is it their punishment for throwing away all those Republican absentee ballots? Is it a punishment for having too many geriatric oldsters clogging up the left lanes of Florida’s main highways; driving 30 MPH with their turn signals blinking in perpetuity? Whatever it is, it is surely punishment.

Give it back! Just give the whole place back. After this hurricane season I doubt any insurance company will be writing policies in Florida. It has already been proven we can evacuate the whole state. Let’s do that and then, just leave it empty.

I did send one idea in to FEMA the other day. I was thinking; if all those people are going to live in the paths of hurricanes, their homes should be more aerodynamic.

If we determine we are not going to give up these properties, then every rebuilt dwelling should be rebuilt as an igloo or oval shape. That way, the winds have nothing to grab onto and toss around. Every structure should have rounded sides so the wind can do as little damage as possible.

Boats could be protected too. Huge oval structures that private boats could quickly gather inside of upon learning of an approaching storm; much like the domed stadiums that protect many sports teams from the elements.

Airports could have hardened, oval-shaped hangers to collect and protect small private planes, and a series of igloo type neighborhood structures could be used to protect those people not living in oval homes.

Something must be done. Mother Nature isn’t cutting Florida any slack here! Hang in there Florida! We’ll get this worked out somehow. Maybe France would like some beachfront property?

But more seriously; Florida can use some help. They’ve not only lost property, they have lost a number of good citizens too.

I saw a poll (of all things) on Fox News.com that got me thinking. The poll asked if the Federal Government should spend the money necessary to help rebuild Florida, or should that be the responsibility of the State of Florida? I really thought that was crass.

Floridians are Americans gang! Of course they deserve all the help from every quarter of America possible. These disasters may have been natural, but natural or not, human disaster deserves a completely human response.

Even if you can’t get in there and get your hands dirty; you can pray for those who are there. Pray they will maintain the strength they need to help Florida get back on its feet. Pray also for the families who have lost loved ones and livelihoods. Help where you can.

And let’s not forget the poor Haitians, the Grenadines, the Cubans, and anyone else affected by these terrible storms.

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About the Author: Michael John McCrae is an Independent, Conservative, Christian who has been personally insulted as a voter because John Kerry thinks the "Heart and Soul of America" lays in the "X-rated sexual innuendo" of Whoopi Goldberg. Well, Michael McCrae thinks America is better than that. Michael McCrae believes there is at least some morality left. So Michael McCrae is going to leave this here (until after the election) as a reminder to all of what John Kerry and John Edwards believe the Real America to be. They believe America's "heart and soul" resides in the "X-rated sexual innuendo" of Whoopi Goldberg. You can draw your own conclusions. Email: macswordV@hotmail.com

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