Dear Mom

Articles

Dear Mom

By L.J. Chapman
Sept. 28, 2004

Dear Mom,

I know I haven't always been the best daughter. I know that there have been many nights where you have stayed awake by my account. I know when you held me in your arms when I was just a few minutes old this is not what you expected from me. I know I am not what you wanted me to be.

I'm sorry I never made it to your expectations. I'm sorry I married the wrong guy, and I'm sorry I haven't finished my divorce yet. I'm sorry that I am lazy, angry, and all around no fun. I'm sorry I'm on welfare. I'm sorry that I didn't become the lawyer or the doctor that you expected me to be. I'm sorry you had to put me in rehab and the psych unit. I'm sorry I'm in therepy because I'm not able to cope with all of my issues myself. I'm sorry I'm not strong like you.

I'm sorry I butt into your life. I'm sorry I tell you my opinion and then push it on you. I'm sorry I'm not the mother that you wanted me to be. I'm sorry that I'm not the mother you were.

I'm sorry I make you angry and I'm sorry I make you sad. I'm sorry that you don't know what to do with me half the time. I'm sorry I didn't push hard enough for dad and I'm sorry I wrote off your theory on why he was in. I'm sorry I've talked down to you, talked back to you and generally just didn't talk at all.

I'm sorry I am so opinionated about your divorce with dad. I'm sorry that I don't sleep at night and I'm sorry that I don't do my chores. I'm sorry.

Maybe Liz got all the good genes when it comes to the housework and the work ethic. Maybe she got all the morals and the strength. Maybe I just didn't get to take a dip in the good gene pool. Maybe I'm too much of a Chapman and not enough of you.

I'm sorry I am a disappointment, and I want you to know that. I do try, but I do fail, 99.9% of the time. I don't like housework, I'm not good at it. When I do it, I do it wrong. When I don't do it, that just makes you angry, so I'll try harder.

I'm sorry I hurt you. I just want to write, Mom. I want to make you proud somehow, someway. I don't want to be the kid that makes you shake your head. I don't want you to not like me or not be proud. I want to be the kid you brag about, at least once or twice.

Dear Mom, I'm sorry.

------------

About the author L.J. Chapman: I am 24 years old and I live in Massachusetts with my two children. I am going to be getting married to my fiance' Josh, in October of 2005. I have written several poems for poetry.com and I am in the middle of writing my first novel "The Checkered Blanket" which is a work of fiction.

Email: bipolar_bear80@hotmail.com

Tell a friend about this site!

------------