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Sept. 28, 2004 In the dark corners of this world there are those that believe conservativism is synonymous with righteousness and that liberalism is synonymous with wrongness. How did that occur? If one gives heed to one’s reasoning abilities, the answer is clear. It happened in a small conservative church in Southern Mississippi back in the 1800s. The white male protestant grabbed his gun and said we, referring to the white race, are the most powerful and the most “right” people in the world. Therein came the term “right.” God came down off his throne and gave the white man wings; hence, came the term “right winger,” because you see God is covering every conservative’s butt. They will all be joining the “right”eous in heaven. Because anyone that was dirt poor, non- white, and non-Christian, must surely have stood on the left hand of God, thus they were left. God could not give them a full set of wings. He only provided this down trodden group of dirt bags with one wing and that wing just happened to be on their left shoulders. Subsequently, the term “left-winger” was given birth (as impoverished of a birth that it happened to be). Yes my friends I am a liberal and since liberal begins with the letter “l,” a liberal is synonymous with left wing. In the right wing dictionary to be “left” is to be a miserably mislead soul bound for an everlasting nuclear burn. I have accepted my lot in life. It’s not easy being green (I meant “left”). Wait, I almost forgot, one of my UK comrades said the color is yellow and black. Okay, it’s not easy being yellow and black, the color of a bumblebee or a bruised banana. It’s just downright tough. What happens, you ask (you did ask didn’t you?), if a person is neither right nor left? Well, hey…hey…hey I’ve got some news for you. You will be heading for political purgatory. Not a bad place I hear. It’s my understanding that the good Senator John McCain has a free press card to get into political purgatory. He and Dan Rather will be ushering folks into that uncommitted kingdom in the sky. Oh how happy those silent few out there sitting in front of their hanging chads will be when St. John and St. Dan meet them at the gates of purgatory. What a joyful reunion to behold.
As for me, I have chosen to follow the
ways of Lucifer, which by the way begins with
the letter “l” (serendipity you think? I think
not). Lucifer and his merry band of liberal
left-wingers are waiting. I will take the swift
boat to hell and take one in the leg for the
gipper.
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