HOME | POLITICS | SPORTS | LIFE | SCI/TECH | OPEDS | HELPFUL TIPS
|
Sept. 18, 2004 I was sitting at home alone. The kids, and yes even to the liberally minded teenagers are kids, were both gone. I had watched all the cartoon shows, it was Saturday, and not being a great consumer of adult beverages I thought about looking for a porn sight. Then I thought, why the heck do that? I don't particularly like porn. Actually, I don't. So I thought maybe I should do something else. I looked around the house. My heart sank. You can only do so many dishes and clean so many floors from fallout (that is what I call what is left when the kids get home and go through the house) you have to have children to understand, I guess. Okay, I guess I could go fishing, or play some golf. Well, since the yard was dry as a bone and I figured digging for nightcrawlers was out I would take my clubs out and suddenly I realized I didn't have greens fees, or the money for gas to the course I played at. Yeah, there's a country club in town, but they charge a lot of money and they want you to join. I'm not on the social register, I guess. So, I thought, what can I do? What I figured was I needed a pet, a companion, not being married (interested females contact me) I get a little lonely. I tried bonding with my son's fish, but I think I was making it nervous sitting there in the kitchen talking to it and trying to get it to do tricks. Fish outdo cats in one thing. They NEVER blink. Okay, they don't lay around the house shedding and they don't kill small fuzzy, or feathery animals and leave them laying about the house and yard in various stages of devour and decay. They also don't have litter boxes which smell up the house (I don't want to think what they do do when they have a BM) So, I thought, I'll just drive around and look for a pet. Now, having dated a girl, okay she's my age and we went to school together (but that's another story) who had several cats and didn't want to go that way; I figured I'd look for a dog. So I left a note for the kids and went out. Since this is a small rural community by large metropolitan (as adverse to cosmopolitan?) standards there are no pet shops. There was one, but it went out of business (something about black market trafficing, or white slavery among lower primates, or something). So I drove until I saw a sign in front of a former abandoned store. It said DNC headquarters. I figured this might have something to do with dogs; so I went in. I entered and walked to the counter.The person, I'm not sure even now what gender, asked if they could help me. Yeah, I want a dog. After a blank stare, for what seemed like hours, they asked why I'd come in there. Well, I thought the D stood for Dog. More blank stare. Hmmm, great conversationalist. No, it didn't. Then I noticed the outline of the donkeys around the room, okay a donkey? Then I saw all the pictures of Jolly John (Heinz) Kerry and Dan Rather and I had to leave. I figured whatever animals they handled there must be rabid. What really gave it away was the person behind the counter seemed to have been frothing at the mouth. Life without a pet, unless you count a fish, is good. Nuff said. Semper Fi! ------------ About the author: Lee Zelhart is a proud graduate of McKendree College in Lebanon, Illinois. He is the widowed father of two teens and the prospective author of a soon to be published book called: The Ghost of the Cavalier. Sometime in summer 2005, or before. Email: graphicsdoctor1@sbcglobal.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
