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Sept. 16, 2004 I have written about everything that I can think of on some days. I don't know if anyone neccessarily agrees with me, but I write what I feel and what I feel is needed to be said. I have spent alot of my life being afraid of who I am and where I came from. I was embarrassed. But on this site, I have written my emotions down for the world to see and people have emailed me and spoken to me about how they felt about what I have written. It's like therapy without the therapist and the lithium. With all the responses I have gotten, I've decided to finally admit to the world where I come from. Maybe give the world, if it cares, a little peek into why I write what I write about. When I was young. Like young, young. My father sat me down and showed me music. He gave me an appreciation for something that I carry to this day. I think I'm the only twenty-something who can name ninety percent of the Beatles songs. I am a 24 year old mother of two. My son's father left me four months pregnant for another woman, I was married for five and a half months. My daughter's father, who is my fiance' is in jail until December because two years ago, in a drunken state, he felt it was a good idea to walk onto the porch of a Puerto Rican woman and yell in her face and poke her with a pocket knife. Thankfully, that part of him is dead and gone. I am not ashamed of my children's fathers anymore. My father is a pedophile, which by society's standards makes him a complete monster. I just look at him as dad. Dad with this horrible monster inside of him. But he raised me well, never hurt me, and loved me with all his heart. I am not ashamed of who my father is anymore. My mother is my mom. She and I fight like there is World War Three going on in my house. As a teenager she kicked me out of our house quite a few times because, well, I was wrong and she was right. I love my mother and I am not ashamed of who my mother is anymore. My sister is flying away to Australia to live happily with her husband, proving she could do something that everyone said she could not do. I am proud of my sister. I love my life and I love the experiences I have gone through to become who I am. I am no longer ashamed of my "ghetto" status. I am not ashamed of the fact that I have bipolar disorder or OCD. I am not ashamed of anything I have ever done in my life. Except for what I did to Kris, I am ashamed of that. One day, hopefully he will forgive me. But that's for him to decide. I am glad that those of you have read my articles and I'm glad I am allowed to read your thoughts. I have met good people through this site.... without it how else would I know what the term "benzo" means... thank you John. I am finished with my thoughts. I feel there is no more to say. Thank you all. I appreciate the person who runs this site for finding me and giving me the opportunity to write on it. Thank you. ------------ About the author L.J. Chapman: I am 24 years old and I live in Massachusetts with my two children. I am going to be getting married to my fiance' Josh, in October of 2005. I have written several poems for poetry.com and I am in the middle of writing my first novel "The Checkered Blanket" which is a work of fiction. Email: bipolar_bear80@hotmail.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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