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Sept. 14, 2004 I have no morals. I don't. I'm not lying. Or maybe I am lying... as I said I have no morals. If it comes down to commandments, I've broken all of them, except for killing. I did try to kill myself once, but I don't think that counts. Anyway, I have no morals. I will/have played with people's hearts. I have pretended to be someone I am not to get what I want. I have lied, cheated, stolen, anything and everything that would make me happy. I have dated guys four or five or seven years younger than me... because I want to and you can't stop me. I sound like a nice person to be around, don't I? I am moral about two things. My two kids. Lexi and Mikey. There will be no immorality around the children. Not allowed. False morality, perhaps, but morality. They won't be like me, I can assure you of that. I can easily say that my lack of morals is because I was raised by hippies who gave me loving, hippy-type advice that I construded to fit my needs. "Sex is a natural and beautiful thing." My translation: "Sleep with who you want". But I can't blame my parents, they did the best they could with what they knew. Even if the dad-fro was sometimes a little embarrassing. I could say that my lack of morals is because of what I have seen in my lifetime. Things that I pray to any deity that anyone believes in that they will never see. I have seen things growing up, and being grown up that are scary, disgusting, and well, immoral. I have seen man at it's lowest form. I have met the drug dealers, the rapists, the wife beaters, the pedophiles, the drug addicts, the drunks, the bad guys. The ones that society turns their backs on. I know these people. I have hung out with some of these people. I am related to these types of people. I am going to marry one of these types of people. They are immoral people. If there is a hell, and I don't know if there is, most of the people I know will be going there. But when it comes down to it, what is morality? What is right and wrong? Am I the type of person that you would want to hang around you? Do you like me? I doubt it. I wouldn't like me too much. I wouldn't want me to babysit my kids. But believe it or not, I'm not this big, bad, evil person. I love my children. I love my fiance', I love my parents. I am good to my friends. Granted I have a reputation that would make a preacher freak, but a reputation is not who you are. I don't want to be anyone other than me. Isn't that how life goes? Is it a matter of making yourself happy, or making the people around you happy? Can you do both, at the same time? I don't know. I have. Successfully at that. I have two well adjusted children who don't know about any past that I have. Who don't know that mommy was in rehab when she was 20. Children who don't know mommy dated a 16 year old when she was almost 21. They don't know that I've seen what the worst is and I can give them the best for it. Maybe if I know what the rapist looks like, I can prevent my daughter from feeling the same pain that I've felt for the past 4 1/2 years. Maybe by knowing what the drug dealer looks like, I can make sure that my son isn't that person. So, I have no morals. But my children will, I bet my life on it. My children will not see what I've seen. And if it means that you or anyone else doesn't like me, than so be it. I will sacrifice whatever. Although, at the time of the actual sacrficing, I had no children. There was just me. Me doing what I wanted to do. But we grow older and wiser. And we do what needs to be done. Which leads me to my last question. The point of my rambling for today. Would you give up your morality for yours? What would you do to keep your children in comfort? What would you do to keep them fed? What would you do to keep them from all the big baddies that inhabit the earth? Would you give it all up, all the morals that have been instilled in your head for them? For anyone? ------------ About the author L.J. Chapman: I am 24 years old and I live in Massachusetts with my two children. I am going to be getting married to my fiance' Josh, in October of 2005. I have written several poems for poetry.com and I am in the middle of writing my first novel "The Checkered Blanket" which is a work of fiction. Email: bipolar_bear80@hotmail.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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