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Oct. 31, 2004 I feel compelled to attempt a comparison between the daily lives of a conservative and a liberal. They’re really not all that different you know. Mornings. In the morning the liberal eats his/her breakfast, takes a shower, shaves, puts on makeup, and dresses for work (all I’m sure in much the same fashion). The only differences are subtle I’m sure. For example, the conservative probably listens to Rush Limbaugh on the way to work and the liberal more than likely listens to Bob and Tom (rock “Q 95” out of Indianapolis). The conservative has eggs- over-easy and bacon at the local truck stop. The liberal smokes three cigarettes and has a black coffee while reading his Penthouse. Mid-Morning. Conservatives stand around the juice machine and discuss the Rush Limbaugh show they just listened to on the way to work. Liberals are outside in a hail- storm trying to smoke two cigarettes. They’re usually discussing how darn cold it is outside and how about that garment problem Janet Jackson had. Whoa, too bad there wasn’t a close-up. Noon. Conservatives head for the Spaghetti Shop. Liberals are going to the closest bar so they can smoke and wash down that hot pepper cheeseburger with a beer. One liberal says he needs another cigarette and how about that Simpson chick that walked off the stage when the world found out she was lip-syncing. The other liberals laugh and compare the Simpson chick to Bush and his buddy Chaney. Conservatives are discussing how much they enjoyed the extra three hundred bucks Bush had given them. One conservative said he had finally bought that used set of tires he had always wanted with it. Another one said he had finally been able to pay off his gas bill(those darn Iraquis). Afternoon. Liberals are looking out the window hoping it’s time to go home. They’re feeling their pockets to see if they have any cigarettes left. Conservatives are calling their wives to see if they had their favorite apple pie baked yet and feeling their pockets to see if the president might have stuck some more money in them. No luck, maybe next term. Evening. Liberals are watching their favorite Playboy Channel and drinking a cheap Rose wine while Conservatives are having a family prayer meeting and watching the Kingdom Channel waiting for another vision from Pat Robertson.
Bedtime. Liberals fall to sleep immediately.
Conservatives can’t sleep.
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