Parent To Parent

Articles

Parent To Parent

By L.J. Chapman
Oct. 29, 2004

I have a son, and I have a daughter. Granted they are young right now, but I still have children, and I still love them dearly. Just as much of any parent of a teenager.

With my son being two, and my daughter only 5 months, I don't have to worry about things like dating and kissing and hugging and sex for quite a while yet, at least fourteen years, God willing. But I'm still observant, and I still see what goes on in the lives of those around me and those of my friends.

Take for example, a good friend of mine, who I will call "Jim". Now Jim likes this girl. He's in his late teens, closer to twenty than say, seventeen, but he's still a teenager. The girl he likes we'll call her "Jane" is sixteen. Now before anyone passes judgement, let me say that Jim has really good intentions towards Jane, has helped her out at school and at work and has genrally been an all around stand up guy when it comes to her. Jane's parents HATE Jim. Why, I don't know. No one really does. Jane doesn't know. Jim doesn't know. Perhaps Jane's parents don't even know. But, they don't like him and that's that.

Now maybe it's the stunning three years age difference that is inhibiting Jane's parents from seeing the good in Jim. I ask myself, would I want my daughter to date someone three years older than her when she is sixteen? Would I want my son to date someone three years older than him? And the answer on both counts is, yes. I would be okay with it. Why? Because I've been on both sides of the fence. My first boyfriend was nineteen and I was sixteen. He and I dated for three years. He helped me out in school. He was cool. He taught me how to drive. After six months, my parents liked him so much, they let him move in with us. Because he was a stand up guy. He had good intentions, they gave him a chance and found out that he was a great guy. And they liked him. If I wasn't with my fiance', my father swears up and down that I would have to be with my first boyfriend. Good man, hard worker, funny, intellegent with a good personality. And all because the gave him a chance. Now that is one side of the fence.

This paragrah is the other side of the fence. When I was twenty, I dated a boy who was about two months from seventeen. Alright, I admit it he was sixteen, but it's all legal in Massachusetts, and I really cared about him. Still do. I tried to do the stand up thing. Help him out with homework, tell him to be respectful to his parents, etc. etc. But no matter what I did, they didn't like me. Well after about two months of this, I got fed up. I tried and tried and tried to impress them, and nothing worked. So one day I am at his house, eating dinner with his family and his mother goes into lecture mode with him. And I'm not just talking lecture, I'm talking humiliation in front of the company lecture. I couldn't take it. I just stared at my plate and with the next silence said, "Don't worry, honey, she's just mad cause a house fell on her sister." His dad thought it was amusing, but let's just say, we broke up about four days later, per request of his parents.

Alright, so that wasn't the best of things to say, but they never gave me a chance. And after a while I was like. No chance, no trying. Why even bother? Still shouldn't have said that though, if I was his mom, I would have slapped me.

So while I can only speak as the girlfriend in both situations, and not quite as the parent yet, I have something to say to all those Jane's mom and dads out there. Give the kid a chance. You never know what kind of person is inside. And if you don't give a chance, then you're only going to see the miserable side. If you do, they you might find out that your child is dating someone that you really like. You never know. So in closing, I will leave you with some words my father raised me with... "the best gift you can ever give, is a chance."

------------

About the author L.J. Chapman: I am a 24 year old mother of two. I am getting married June 4, 2005 to my fiance', Josh. I am in the middle of writing my first novel, "The Checked Blanket" which I hope to have finished by the end of the year. I have several poems on poetry.com.

Email: bipolar_bear80@hotmail.com

Tell a friend about this site!

------------