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John Kerry Or George W. Bush? Can I Vote For Spongebob Squarepants?

By L.J. Chapman
Oct. 27, 2004

Alright, I will start off with this. I have no cable. I have one of those dial-up connections to internet and no TV whatsoever. It's a bill issue which will soon be recitfied. Anyway, having said that I must ask... What the hell is going on? I don't know what is going on with the whole Presidential campaign thing and voting is just mere days away.

Now I turned 18 in 1998, and since then I have voted in every election be in for President or Selectman or Town Clerk. I even vote for Sheriff. I don't like to miss voting. It's a right I have and I like to exercise it. But now it's coming time for me to pick a President of The United States. I have to pick someone who will run the country I live in for the next 4 years and I have NO idea who to vote for.

Now from what my father tells me, I'm liberal. I don't know how I'm liberal, but he says I am, so I must be. You know, he asks me a bunch of questions and I give answers and he told me I was liberal. "Do you believe in abortion?" "Well, Dad, I wouldn't do it myself, but I'm not going to tell someone else they cant." Okay, so I'm pro-choice now. "Do you think gays should be allowed to be married?" "Well, Dad, I'm not gay, so it doesn't really affect me. But I believe they pay taxes and work like everyone else, so they should get the same rights." So, I'm pro-gay marriage. "Okay, then, who are you voting for?" "Well, Dad, I think I'm going to vote for... Spongebob Squarepants?"

I'm told not to vote for Bush because there were no weapons of mass destruction and the war in Iraq and our boys dying. Okay, I'll vote Kerry. No, don't vote for John Kerry, he's the "anti-Christ" as my sister calls him. He'll make this country fall faster than a watermelon tossed from the Empire State Building. Okay, I'll vote George W. Bush. DON'T VOTE BUSH!!! PEOPLE ARE DYING!!! Alright, is there another option? Nater? Who in the name of God is that?

Pick the lesser of two evils, I am told. The lesser of two evils? That's not really the way I want to go with the whole guy running the country thing. Hmmm, which one will screw up LESS? That doesn't seem right.

I am going to vote. It's what I have to do. I am a healthy, semi-mentally stable American who was given the right to vote on April 4, 1998. But for who? And what are they going to do? What do I have to take into consideration? Do I just walk into the booth, close my eyes and pull which ever lever my hand goes on?

I'm a mother of two, divorced once and getting remarried. I watch cartoons on DVD (no cable), I like football, I root for the Red sox. I don't know what all this is about oil and gas prices, I'm not even allowed to drive right now!!! Even when I had cable I didn't watch the news too often, I have a two year old! He doesn't really retain interest in the Presidental Debates. Hey, I'm 24, and I don't really retain interest in the Presidental Debates.

Bush? Kerry? Cheney? Edwards? Forget it. Can I vote for Spongebob Squarepants? At least I know his postions on the world. Work, play, work. That sounds good to me. I vote for the fictional yellow sponge guy who lives under the ocean. He seems like he knows what's going on.

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About the author L.J. Chapman: I am a 24 year old mother of two. I am getting married June 4, 2005 to my fiance', Josh. I am in the middle of writing my first novel, "The Checked Blanket" which I hope to have finished by the end of the year. I have several poems on poetry.com.

Email: bipolar_bear80@hotmail.com


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