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Oct. 26, 2004 I strolled the other day into the office of my friend Ichabod Lippschitz who owns a small polling office downtown over the old malt shop, but is now a coffee house. I was out for a walk and had time to kill. He was sitting at his desk supporting his chin with his hands, which in turn were supported by his elbows on the desktop. Seeing his face was about as long as a certain Democratic candidate I asked him what the problem was. "Well, see the local Democratic committee man had hired me to take a poll and see where their man stood around town. The results where less then heartening." "What's the story then Iccy?" "Geez, you don't want to know." I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling. If I didn't want to know I wouldn't ask."Well, see I don't take polls like this like the other places. I got a more scientific method of getting results. Generally I follow the usual pattern for other things, but this beats everything else and from what I can see the jig's up for the candidate." "You're talking about Jolly Johnny(Heinz) Kerry?" "Well, yeah, who else?" I figured he had a point. "So it looks pretty bad?" "You got it; I got him loosing by between 75-80% at least.Around this area anyway." "This is a big Democratic hold out, that does sound pretty serious." "You bet your sweet bippy it is. The committee man isn't gonna like these numbers and I'm just acquanited enough with the guy he might not pay me for this gig." "No kiddin'!" "Yeah, he's stiffed me before." I put my hands in my pocket and went to look out the window. I heard him sigh. "So, what do you think the problem is?" "I've got a few ideas." "Like, such as?" "Well, a lot of folks around here spent a lot of money when they got their tax refunds; you gotta look to see where the money is." "I know...I paid a lot of bills a long time with mine." "So did I and that's part of the point." "Well, maybe there's room for error in your methods." "Not a chance...this thing is fool proof." "Well, what did you do, use a computer model, or something?""Heck no, better. You called a sample of voters around the area?" "Nah, I told you this was my own method." "Well, then what did you do?" "I drove around town, remember this area is a big Democrat stronghold. A lot of these towns are. And I drove some of them too, just to make sure." "Well?" "There's no denying it...there's a lot of yard cards for Bush." "Yard cards?" "Yeah, the signs in people's yards. Normally you can tell who people support by the yard cards. Normally you'd see a lot of cards around here for the Democratic candidate, nope...Kerry's swiftboat just sunk." I looked at my watch, I was never so glad to have to get to the dentist. ------------ About the author: Lee Zelhart is a proud graduate of McKendree College in Lebanon, Illinois and the father of two teens (one of which will be getting married in the next couple of years, maybe sometime in 2006) and the author of The Ghost of the Cavalier due out in 2005. Email: graphicsdoctor1@sbcglobal.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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