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Oct. 22, 2004 Today class we're going to dissect a liberal. I know some of you are saying, "Yuck!", or "Gross!", but P.E.T.A. and the SPCA won't let us cut up frogs, mice, monkeys, cats, birds, worms, or any other higher life forms. Sorry. OSHA, the EPA, and our insurance company won't let us use choroform to put it out, but not to worry I've been told they don't have feelings like real animals. In other words, we don't really think they're alive. Once you've pinned the liberal to the wax in your tray we'll examine it. Be careful as liberals are slippery and very hard to pin down. Rather like a worm. No, Mr. Smith, not Rather as in the news nazi, I said rather as in on the contrary. Oh, yes, that's very funny. Rather is to the contrary...most amusing. Now, as you have mostly secured your liberals let's look at the feet first.You'll see they are made of clay. This is because a liberal won't stand on the issues. The next thing to notice is they seem rather floppy, Mr. Smith I'm warning you! Yes, floppy...this being because they lack a backbone. They are invertebrate. Yes, Mr. Smith, like...oh, please! Yes, like Rather. Yes. You are in a jovial mood aren't you? Now, the eyes. Notice they are clouded over and a little on the pinkish side. That's because they don't really see anything clearly and tend to see everything as being rosy. They also have large mouths. They seem to make a lot of noise, especially when disturbed, and don't obviously say anything. The sounds they make are a meaningless jumble even though sometime what they say sounds like common speech. Yes, Mr. Smith, I'm sure you think this is all meaningless, but you will be tested on it. Now, as to the brain. There is none, or very little as far as we can tell. They do not have the ablility to reason. Therefore, the classification as a lower life form. This is interesting as they are multicelled, but basically much like a germ, or ameba in function.In other words basically an irritant. Yes, Mr.Smith...like you. Please, see me after class. It seems our time's up. just leave the liberals on the table and we'll pick up here tomorrow. No, they won't suffer. As I said, they're not a true lifeform. Certainly, despite their appearance, not human. ------------ About the author: Lee Zelhart is a proud graduate of McKendree College in Lebanon, Illinois and the father of two teens (one of which will be getting married in the next couple of years, maybe sometime in 2006) and the author of The Ghost of the Cavalier due out in 2005. Email: graphicsdoctor1@sbcglobal.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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