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Oct. 19, 2004 With the prospect of early voter fraud on behalf of Democrats and other liberals (don't ask what others, but I'm sure there are some and I wouldn't want to miss anyone) it's time to winterize the election. First, remember that chill down your spine is caused by high pressure from the press and other MSM (main stream media) don't worry, just back away and keep a tight hold on your wallet. Second, if that is followed by hot air look around for a liberal. Give them the cold shoulder and eventually they will leave (after several years and changes of address). Make sure you have plenty of duct tape on hand. This will come in handy in case a member of the MSM shows up and tries to give the election to Kerry two weeks before the election, or award any states his way(starting right about NOW). If you see Dan Rather tape his mouth securely to whatever seems best. Anything to keep him from using his mouth. Same goes for Ted Koppell, Peter Jenning, Larry King...you get the idea. Don't let Rather near any maps, of Florida or otherwise. He is dangerous when near a map as he will start giving states away at will. He doesn't have enough sense not to award a state before the polls are closed, or check his facts and sources. He can't be trusted at any time, so watch him closely. (Again, same with Koppell, Jennings, King, etc,etc, and etc.) Most celebraties are also signs of coming wind. Whoopi Goldberg warnings should be taken very seriously. Check your disgust level and connected warnings in your area. Watch out for flying BS. Keep moving. If voter registration people from any liberal group is in your area whatever you do don't stop, or close your eyes. They will steal your money and sign you up to vote Democrat. Before you can correct the problem you will have already voted at least three times. I realize it is near Halloween, but some folks will try to scare you in ways to make you vote for a democratic candidate. They will use fear tactics. Remain calm. Tell them you are a Republican (you don't have to be, but it helps) and watch them...well, have you ever seen Buffy, or Blade, or The Wizard of Oz, or any number of cheap B Horror movies? Yeah, that kinda thing. Finally, if you are in the military, or live over seas make sure you check that your vote got counted (and make sure only once). People who live in more then one state should only vote once in the state in which their primary residence is. That also includes homeless people. If we all work together and follow these simple guidelines we can assure this will be a fair and honest election. Now, if you will put your seats in the upright position and keep your...oops, wrong instructions. That's a different kind of ride. ------------ About the author: Lee Zelhart is a proud graduate of McKendree College in Lebanon, Illinois and the father of two teens (one of which will be getting married in the next couple of years, maybe sometime in 2006) and the author of The Ghost of the Cavalier due out in 2005. Email: graphicsdoctor1@sbcglobal.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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