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Oct. 17, 2004 Over lunch last week, the topic of single men came up in conversation with some of my female colleagues. Liz, who has been single for a year now, put it simply: "You can almost be guaranteed," she said, "that if a man is in his mid-thirties, is hardworking and decent-looking, he's either married or gay. Or both." There was a general murmur of agreement around the table at this. It seems that all the women (and a good many of the men)that I know are stupified by the disporportionate number of single, female friends they have. And most puzzling of all is the fact that these women are successful, intelligent, outgoing and generally very attractive. A quick tally of my single friends results in the same conclusion. So where are all the single men? When confronted with this question, most people I know can conjure up the names of a few single, male friends. The trouble with most of these men, as Liz brusquely explained, is that they are: "Losers who are living either with roommates, their parents, or in the basements of their more mature, established siblings. They are convinced that their little start-up business, acting career or next independent film project is going to make them a millionaire. And they'll tell you ad nauseum how it's everyone else's fault that they're not already a millionaire." Ouch! I had to agree that Liz's profile of available thirty-something men struck a chord. In fact, I wondered for a moment if she hadn't been dating more than a few of my exes lately. That night I found myself thinking about the growing number of single men that just don't seem to know how to "get it together." They don't have career jobs (yet they hold university degrees), they still dress like Seattle skater kids and their idea of dinner out is TGI Friday's with a shared bill. Are these men just dreamers or are they symptomatic of a larger problem? What is it with these lost boys? Certainly societal definitions of masculinity have changed drastically in the last few decades. In fact, the roots of these changes can be traced back to the 1960s. Since the feminist movement, women have had an increasing role in both the public and private lives of men. We began to work together, go to pubs and bars together, and even workout together. Yet in order to be considered highly successful, women had to have it all: intelligence, ambition and an impeccable appearance. And recently we've begun to demand the same of our male counterparts. However, it would seem that while the stakes were being raised, some men chose to drop out of the race. They've foresaken adulthood, opting instead to live like perpetual adolescents. There's no question that the virtual elimination of clear gender roles has created insecurity in some men. Paternity leave is no longer revolutionary. Sexuality appears to be irrelevant. One only has to peruse the magazine rack at their local bookstore to observe that grooming, fashion, and skin care routines are as much the domain of men now as they are of women. The early 1990s heralded the introduction of the "metrosexual" man, a term coined by gay, British writer Mark Simpson, and embodied in the likes of football icon David Beckham and actor Jude Law. I know many men who've adjusted to the new normal without a glitch. They've opted to stay at home and raise their children, particularly if their partner's salary is greater than their own. Not only do these men know that the downward dog isn't a sexual position, they are spreading their mats alongside women in yogas studios throughout the country. They cook, clean and workout daily. They watch Sex and the City and seem to enjoy it. Men's fashion week in Milan is a bigger deal than NHL hockey. In short, the fact that there is no longer a clear delineation of gender roles doesn't appear to be an issue for these men. But is it all a facade? Is this new "metrosexual" man here to stay or are they simply lost boys in good quality, cashmere clothing? One only needs to look at the lives of some of the original metrosexuals to get a sense that a backlash is brewing. In the past six months, David Beckham has gone from being a devoted husband with good fashion sense to behaving like a yob, shaving his head, and donning obnoxious tatoos across the back of his neck. His behaviour off and on the pitch has been so bad that even his future as the captain of England's football team appears to be tenuous at best. Not only that, numerous women have stepped forward with their own stories since Rebecca Loos' notorious revelations about her affair with Becks. And then there is Jude. Lovely, cherub- faced Jude who, according to the tabloids, had the police called on him and allegations of violent behaviour levelled against him during his very public breakup with Sadie Frost, the mother of his three children. Sadly there seems to be a hint of change on the wind. Perhaps the metrosexual man is not as comfortable with the new order of things as we'd hoped. If this is the case, perhaps some of those lost boys might emerge from their shared rentals and familial basements and find a niche for themselves in women's lives after all. Or not. ------------ About the author: Jennifer Payne lives and works in Toronto, Canada. She is the author of numerous short stories, poetry, articles and reviews. Currently she is finishing her second novel. Please visit her website at: www.maryjenniferpayne.com Email: mj_payne00@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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