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Oct. 10, 2004 I was busy one morning in my office. My feet crossed on the desk top. A half full shot of Old Shemp on the corner, my brown fedora over my face and I was checking the insides of my eyelids for leaks. Then the characters burst in. They were dressed in police uniforms from a hundred years ago, regular Keystone Cops. They were running around bumbling into everything and anything. It was as funny as watching Martha Stewart make lace edging for license plates. What are you guys looking for? Looking? Looking? Isn't it obvious? The only thing obvious was they represented various countries in the U.N..I asked again. We're looking for Weapons of Mass Distruction. We heard they were around somewhere. I lifted my feet off the desk and put them on the floor. Look boys, their not in here. What gives? Well, see, it's like this...we were told to look for these WMD several years ago. We kinda put it off. First Frenchy here, then Boris, then Hanz found an excuse not to. We kept calling the guy who was supposed to have them, kept giving him time to fess up, time to turn over the goods, kept warning the bum. Nothing! Then what? They kinda hee'd and hawed a little and finally...Well, we had to go in. No more getting around it. We knocked on the door, rang the bell and waited until he let us in. Finally, he came to the door and told us to enter and look around. Okay, and then what? Well, then we could hear some shuffling around out back and we made a half a** attempt to look around, but well, YOU KNOW...we didn't really try too hard and then someone went by the window and flashed the suspect a thumbs up. Who did? Some guy named Al Qae'da.Ah!!! So we looked for a little and didn't find anything. So we thought you could find them.Well, who's your suspect? S. Adam Hussain. Tight pals with Ben Laden. Yeah, got him locked up and everything, but no WMD.I just shook my head. Look you mugs! It's clear as anything to me. You gave this guy all the time in the world to hide the goods. It's not any wonder you couldn't find anything. The guy had plenty of time to get rid of the goods.The WMD could be anyplace now, might be back at his place, right under plain sight, and you wouldn't know it now. They looked like a group of whipped dogs. Look, just don't give creeps like that any warnings. Next time go in and don't fool around. It's your fault he got away with this, but learn from your mistakes. Just don't get your Ph.D. in it. They started to leave then saw a wanted poster on the wall, John Kerry. They studied it for awhile. Whose's this guy? He's wanted for impersonating a war hero.Seen him? Oh, goodness gracious, no. Looks like a real rough fellow. That ain't nothin' but the Botox. ------------ About the author: Lee Zelhart is a proud graduate of McKendree College in Lebanon, Illinois and the father of two teens (one of which will be getting married in the next couple of years, maybe sometime in 2006) and the author of The Ghost of the Cavalier due out in 2005. Email: graphicsdoctor1@sbcglobal.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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