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June 4, 2004 Recently a friend of mine, who is a teacher, had a problem with a boy who had cheated on her English exam. On his lap he had a small cheat sheet containing the entire list of vocabulary definitions that would be on the test. During the exam he would glance down to read the definitions and then write them on his test paper. When the teacher was approaching his desk, he quickly slid the cheat sheet under his exam, hoping she wouldn’t see. She did see and took it, and his exam, away from him. She then called the principal who took the boy out of her class. She was told to give him a zero. The boy’s parents were called and they came to pick him up. End of story? Not really. You see several weeks before the boy, a sophomore, had been picked as an honor guard to escort the graduating senior class to the stage. It was a much sought after honor. And therein lay the rub, because now, due to his cheating, he would not be allowed to participate as an honor guard. My friend and the principal thought every action taken by them was fair. They had acted in a professional way and the whole affair should have been closed. Period. Over and done. Caught cheating, get a zero, lose your place as honor guard. The parents, however, took a different view of the situation. They accepted the zero and the removal from class; what they didn’t accept was their son’s dismissal from honor guard. They were incensed and didn’t hesitate to let the principal and the teacher know it. They felt, they said, that their son, had been “robbed.” The teacher in charge of graduation was summoned to the office and asked to give the principal and my friend a copy of the criteria for honor guard. It had been written thirty years ago when the school had first started the tradition of having an honor guard made up of sophomores who were in the top ten of their class in academics. This criteria was duly brought forth and read by the principal to the boy and his parents. “Students being considered for the prestigious position of Honor Guard must: 1 have no grade below a 91 2 have no suspensions from any class 3 show quality citizenship 4 act responsibly 5 behave in an honorable fashion at all times “ This, to me, says it all, especially number five. Behave in an honorable fashion at all times. The principal understood this. The classroom teacher and the one in charge of graduation understood this. The parents did not. They then began a campaign to have their son reinstated to the coveted position. The father even went so far as to get friends of his to put pressure on the principal during a town sponsored golf outing! The boy came to class everyday and hinted that the teacher was in “big trouble” and that his mother and father were going to “make sure” he got to be an honor guard. He was boastful of how his parents were going to “get” the teacher for “what she did.” He was not at all ashamed or embarrassed by his own behavior. In his parents’ eyes the teacher and principal were wrong and were somehow infringing on their son’s rights. The boy saw the world through his parents’ eyes. The situation got somewhat worse the following week when the parents and some of their friends went to a Board of Education meeting and asked to be heard on this subject. They had even appealed to the parents of the boy who was replacing their son as honor guard to attend. They spent an hour trying to convince the board that the punishment for cheating far exceeded the crime. The embarrassment of getting caught and being taken out by the principal should be punishment enough, don't you think? They were on a mission and campaigned fiercely. That the board would even consider listening to this ridiculous plea was bad enough. That they actually discussed ways to reinstate him was absolutely ludicrous! What is wrong here? The criteria for honor guard was brought forth again and, after much debate, the board members did the right thing. They upheld the principal’s decision. There was one proviso, however, to avoid future situations of this sort. The principal was to “advise students,” those on Honor Roll, those who were class officers, and those being considered for Honor Guard, “not to cheat.” Advise them not to cheat? My friend could not believe what she was told when she received a letter from the board making that statement. Neither could I. When I was in high school, my Italian teacher wrote this message on the board before every exam: “Voi ingannate, voi morite.” You cheat, you die." We always laughed about that phrase in class but we understood it. We respected the teacher for her bluntness and so did our parents. She told us we were on our honor and we did not dare to let her, our parents or ourselves down. We especially did not want to disappoint our parents. Let's define the word honor here for a moment. The best definition of this word in the dictionary is “a sense of what is right.” What exactly did the boy's parents think it meant? Cheating is not an honorable thing to do, it is not a sense of what is right. The principal had to punish him in some way but, quite frankly, it is not a question of punishment either. It is the decision to choose what is right from what is wrong. Cheating should have consequences because it is wrong. The parents are as much to blame for the incident as the boy because, somewhere along the way, they must have let it be known that this type of behavior was acceptable. What message are the parents giving their son? It is okay to cheat and, if you get caught, you should only get a slap on the wrist? The person who caught you cheating is really the one to blame because they got you in trouble? These messages are so wrong, so utterly wrong. As parents, they are not doing their job. If I had ever gotten caught cheating my mother and father, along with my grandparents would have been outraged.... at me, not the teacher or principal. My mother would have told me how embarrassed she was, my father would have lectured me on how disappointed he was in me. My grandmother would have invited me over for dinner where my grandfather would have completely ignored me because I had let him down. And my grandmother would have killed my appetite by telling me I was a “disgraziata,” a disgrace to the family. My grandparents hadn't come to America from Italy to see the family name dragged through the mud, she would tell me in her native language. A bit dramatic of them, but, a damned good deterrent if I even dared think of cheating. I do not advocate severe repercussions for this child. I do feel, however, that the parents should sit him down and seriously discuss what he did and why it was wrong, let him know they are very disappointed in his behavior. They should let him know that they completely support the administrative decision to remove him as an Honor guard because he had not acted honorably. Then they should end this by telling him to apologize to the teacher, give him a hug, and say they expect better behavior in the future because they know he is capable of it. Let's remember what honor is, what the word should mean to us, and let us start by telling our children what we expect from them. People with honor make the world a better place for all. ------------ About the author Kristen Houghton: Working on a book of short stories, I write a column, "The Writer's Block" on observations of everyday life and a column for educators called iTeach! Email: Krisnalan@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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